In all of my trawling and research of blogs, I was most inspired by the amazing and wacky photography that people have included. Keep in mind that I am still trying to understand all of the new software that I have purchased over the last couple of weeks. The idea being, take some interesting pictures and practise using the software. This was also my homework as a photographer apprentice. I have included a couple of pictures here as they are the start of my getting way out there and creative. Check out a view of my house, pasta for dinner and bug on my rocket!

Last night the moon was full and magnificent. I am privileged to have a stream that runs through my garden. Walking past it last night, I was filled with the need to try and capture the moonlight’s reflection and a bit of the foliage. I pushed aside frogs and Cape reeds and staked my claim on some river frontage space. With a bit of trepidation, I set up my tripod and camera and snapped a few shots amidst some accurate dive bombing mosquitoes. Here is my stream by moonlight, a pretty shoddy job, but interesting nonetheless!

OK, back to me now, the boring part. I had a great day yesterday. The reason was that for the period of a day, I was able to shut down my automatic need to produce something worthwhile to feel worthwhile. Instead I was able to glory in the now and enjoy the multitude of distractions that came my way. I spent my time in places that I thought valuable, on my wife and on my children. I also made some headway on editing chapter two!

The nasty reoccurring thought that continues to bother me is that I am living in a world of fiction. One side of me is keen to jump in and go and earn some money and that way I will know where I stand in the world. On the other side, I know that I am trying to build a better life and that this is going to take some time and money.

I keep thinking back to a conversation that I had with a mate of mine in Johannesburg where he asked me if I am making this move for selfish reasons (an extended holiday). Everyone I meet asks me if I am rested and relaxed after all of my time at home. Yet I am spending most of my day involved in good hard thinking work with no apparent value.

With regard to the value thought, I am surrounded by intangibles and questions. Creativity is completely intangible. How on earth do you know that you have written a good chapter? Do you just know? How do I put a cost or a value on time spent with my wife on stuff that is important to her or time spent getting down to my children’s level? I have recently made major breakthroughs in this arena, I have started to relate in a far more valuable and personal way. Will I have to give this up again at some stage?

I suppose the key issue is how on earth can I be having so much fun and still be doing the right thing? Surely the fact that I am having fun means that I am slacking off and this is to be avoided at all costs. Yet much of the fun is a new found joy in my children and my wife. I am loving being challenged by new technologies and skills. I am thoroughly revitalised by the amount of exercise that is now part of my daily life. I love my trip to work and I am starting to really enjoy writing! Is there an underlying assumption in my mind that life is not supposed to be fun? Is it actually possible to live a life that is filled with fun and joy and put food on the table? Or am I just deluding myself and having fun at the expense of the family?

My mind is a seesaw. Please do forgive me. I have never had to deal with a life lived in complete uncertainty about how I fit in. I hope that my mental debate is valuable in that it keeps me focussed on my goals and the need to ensure that within this year I am able to set up a life that is balanced just right for me.

Logically I know that the time to act is when I actually stumble across opportunity. It does not help if I stress about these things now. Rather I have a different opportunity right now and I need to make the most of it, right now. What a BONUS that it is FUN at the same time!!!