There are people in this world that hoard stuff. I am sure that you have noticed them. Some fill every single surface with ornaments and mementos from trips and better times. For others it gets so bad that there is almost nothing that they can throw away. Imagine filling every available space in your home with cardboard and newspaper, old keys and plastic bags, bottles, tins and cans. Imagine making your way to bed at night slowly past piles of old appliances and boxes of chappies wrappers, careful not to bump anything lest it all topples and crashes to the floor. Imagine weaving your way to your bed and shuffling up the newspaper steps to your queen size bed. Then inching yourself carefully under the covers not wanting to disturb the stacks of old clothing and linen and your late aunts favourite teddy bear collection, all squatting in bed with you.

I on the other hand am a confirmed anti hoarder. If we don’t use it, I am inclined to throw it or give it away. I hate clutter and wage a constant battle to ensure that surfaces are free from stuff and cupboards are neat and tidy. Anything that has not seen the light of day in a while is removed. I passionately believe that it is better for my stuff to be given away and used by someone, rather than to gather dust and mould in a gloomy cupboard. Although sometimes it is difficult to find a new owner for a slightly bent wrought iron curtain tie back, but I will keep on looking.

And suddenly I have just realised that I have become a hoarder!

Instead of stuff, I have started to collect the written word. My written word, as if anything that I write is manna from heaven or gold ore. Just like the hoarder, everything I write is now carefully saved. I find that although what I write is not exactly what I need right now, it is far too good to throw away. Maybe, just maybe it will come in useful at some time in the future.

I have developed a fear of losing my under developed and lack lustre writing skills. Perhaps I will never string together adjectives, verbs and nouns in the same way again. My own prose containing clever English grammar have become priceless. When my pearls of wisdom and utter brilliance shine through, I am almost brought to tears with worry about how to protect its longevity. Although I am sure that only happened once! With the fear of harddrivefailureitis, always in my mind, I back up continuously.

And with all of this literary brilliance that inhabits my computer, I still find it tough to string together the right words in the right way. But I am making some progress and you can rest assured that for every page in my blog there are reams more in my laptop. Let alone the hefty volumes of utter rubbish still in my head!

If you would like your own private reading of it all, give me a call!

Today I had a most humbling experience.

I joined a group of people for a visit to a new self help shelter in a small settlement just up the road from my house. I have driven through this place countless times in the past and often wondered at the level and extent of poverty that existed there. Now I know and I don’t know what to about it!

This project operates out of an old train station. Strangely the train still runs past this station but no longer stops here anymore. I hear it took a bit of effort to wrestle this space from the relevant authorities. But cudo’s to all concerned as this beautiful building now serves a beautiful purpose.

In amongst a sea of shacks and ancient buildings, this lovely old station building rises majestically. Walking down the platform there was a new vegetable garden on my left, a sign of the new life breathed into this place. Walking along the platform I felt like I was walking back in time to a place where this station once was a lifeline. Walking inside I was surprised to see people lined up in rows and rows of chairs. Just waiting, quietly and patiently.

I suppose that these people had fought long and hard for their lives against every possible obstacle. Now, they were left with nothing but the care of a few concerned citizens. I heard that there were normally 300 people that got fed on a daily basis and that is before the cold and wet Cape winter has bitten. Today though, some had gotten work picking in the orchards. For the rest, stale bread and some vegetable soup was the order of the day, as it is every day! And boy are they thankful for this lifeline that the station has become once again.

I heard stories of how people have one set of clothes. Stories of how something as simple as being given a set of second hand clothing has made an incredible difference to the psychological outlook of many. That’s right, our old rags in the right hands are mental gold, let alone a physical comfort!

I learnt too how 130 more children in this village will become orphans before the end of the year. Perhaps I have become emotional and weak in my time off so far, but this was a soul destroying visit. My heart ached for these poor people. I have no idea how many child headed families and current orphans fight their way through each day but have no doubt that there are plenty. And what I heard and saw is just the tip of the iceberg, just a short run from my luxury house and car and many, many changes of clothes.

I watched this people get their meagre but life giving meals and shuffle out the door. Some stayed behind to wash down the floors and clean up. I too walked out of the train station where a train no longer stops and wondered what it would take for me to get off my butt and do something. There is so much to do out there and yet I have so many excuses to keep on not doing any of it.

Despite all of the things that I need to do and places I have to see and people I need to meet and life I have to live, am I going to stop my train at this station or am I going to keep on going?

Dear Mr President,

I am a loyal South African. I am also white, a fact that fills me with shame when I think back to our past. Our amazing and beautiful country has been able to grow and prosper over the last 14 years not due to the role of my kind but rather the amazing humility and good will of your kind. It leaves me weak at the knees when I think that humankind has the capacity to perform these magnanimous acts of generosity, even though society as a whole seems so rotten.

When I think of our neighbours, Zimbabwe, I am appalled. There has been so much in the news about them, and who knows how much is true or not. But we both know that these things we have heard about are not the things we would like to see happening in our country.

In fact, I have the utmost respect for the opposition politicians over there. These have to be people of the most amazing courage and determination. I can think of nothing worse than to be a marked man, but nothing better than dedicating one’s life to a worthwhile cause. I would think that you too would be able to relate to these people as their plight seems to be remarkably similar to a reality that you too have lived.

It grates me deep inside to think that there are people suffering incredible hardship on a daily basis as a result of injustice and greed. I don’t understand politics very well, nor do I understand world economics but I do understand right and wrong. And the things happening in Zimbabwe are just plain wrong!

I was too young to fight the old regime in our country but I certainly do not have that excuse now. My only issue is that I am not sure what I should be doing to ease the burden on my fellow man. I am morally outraged but surely outrage without action is just hypocrisy. I live with the shame of my white past, do I really need to add the shame of Zimbabwe too? I appeal to you as a man who understands the suffering of his people for advice on what I can do to help?

I sincerely hope that you and I can join hands again and together make this a better world for all.

I have discovered that writing is an art form and to date I have just been dabbling on the fringes. On Saturday something changed! I got wordacious! 3000 words just tumbled out of my fingers and onto my Word document, poised to catch such wonderful musings. It was a fantastic experience to be in the flow with a amazing story just aching to come alive in words.

Hopefully I have broken my writing drought! Prior to this, I had only revised my current chapter about four times and ended up with something very preachy. Not where I wanted my writing to be at all. The Saturday attempt was off the wall and it worked. I now have another new angle through which I may just be able to communicate my own social commentary. I was telling somebody the other day that it feels like I am a moth circling a flame. I am getting closer and closer to the end product and hopefully soon I, as the moth, will merge with the flame in a great explosion of celebration as I put this chapter to bed!!! Then I can move on to the next infernally frustrating chapter.

Truth be told, that burst of writing made all of the frustration and procrastination and lack of imagination all worth while. I cannot wait for another experience of electrifying insight. Like anything in life, it will be the product of some hard and dedicated work. Gonna get busy now!

I had a comment from the Divine Miss M on my last post. Check it out if you like. She wondered if living each day as your last would not add an element of stress. I think it does, but I would add that the benefits of this mindset are soul refreshing! I have a feeling that this is what living in the now is really about.

I am no expert of the matter, but I thought that I would include my approach.

I have started to spend a bit of time each morning reflecting on yesterday. I certainly am not doing it to dwell in the past, as yesterday is gone. I am really trying to appraise the life that I lived yesterday. What went well and why? How did I interact with my kids? How could I have done things differently? And so on. The answers to these questions are things I can use in my day today. Things that I feel did not go so well yesterday, I can correct today. If there are things that were not said, I can do these today. If there were things undone, I can do these today too. The chances I missed yesterday, I can try and grasp today. The things that went very well, I can repeat today!

The other questions I am trying to ask myself are ‘what should I be doing today to improve the lives of others?’ and ‘Do people feel that they are loved by me when they experience me?’ Not easy questions to answer at all on a daily basis. On a very simple level, I know that there are people that I should call and see. I also know that the way I live should be courageously aligned to my values. I hope that by taking this time to think, I will find those small acts of love to perform that are carefully hidden in the clutter and rush that is our lives.

Quoting Robin Sharma again, he says that ‘ultimate nobility is being better than your former self’. What he means is that life is not a competition with anyone at all. Instead, our challenge is to ensure that we are constantly improving ourselves. I hope that armed with the knowledge of how I can improve on yesterday as well as the answer to those more difficult questions I will be able to live a better, more valuable and loving day today.

And if I do die today, hopefully I will have touched your life in some meaningful way first!

966km of pure hell! Back curved, legs straining, over mountains, round towns, through dirt, rivers and desert. 9 days of gruelling mountain biking ended on Saturday at the beautiful Lourensford Wine Farm. The sweat and tears and pain were all part of an extreme mountain biking challenge called the Epic. An incredible feat of endurance and skill! The upside is that you get to pick your race partner with whom you share the pain and agony. That and the spectacular scenery, the untamed nature reserves, the sheer mountain passes, and the heart stopping descents all contribute to softening this awesome challenge.

We went as a family to see these superhuman competitors literally fly home through the finish line. The relief, joy, and delight could be felt in the size of the smiles that surrounded us. We cheered a friend of ours home and toasted his success throughout the day, oh it was fun! He said that the race was the fun part, the hard part was the training, 20 hours a week, every week for six months. You can only imagine how all of that time must create an incredible bond between you and your partner. His partner happened to be his neighbour and long time friend. They had much to celebrate, not only had they finished, but they finished in the top 20% of riders, no small feat! Madness I was thinking!

And that thinking got carried away, I must be a bit of a pansy for never having stepped up to an extreme event. Watching these pumped cyclists finish this arduous event was for me goose bumps and heart flutters. I was inspired. I started to think about doing my own extreme event, perhaps run 211km over 5 days in a race called the Odyssey! Perhaps I could even band a heap of surfers together and create our own extreme surf event; my mind was ticking, and my body itching to pit itself against the seemingly impossible.

In the saddest turn of events my friend’s Epic partner died on Sunday of a heart attack.

Here was a guy in the supposed peak of his life, who triumphed one day and the next he was gone! In a funny way, I had gotten to celebrate his last great success, his own special goodbye to the world.

Wow, this could happen to me too!

Never before has the advice to live each day as if it were my last been more relevant. A day or two ago, I blogged about time spent in meditation. Robin Sharma in his book suggests that part of your meditation involves thinking about the things that you would need to do today if it were your last. And then going out and doing them!

This chap gave all of us who knew him a great gift, for which he paid dearly. Sadly this is a gift that most of us will pack away deep in the recesses of our minds and forget. But I suppose that would be our loss!

Me, I have things to do and say....

Have you ever wondered about Eastern philosophies of living? Is there an essence that we miss in our own lives and our society? Movies portray the heroes from the East as being these serene individuals with the most amazing power over their minds. They always seem so connected due to their absolute control and deep insight into life. The good guys often need wise advice from Eastern sages as well as a cup of herbal tea in order to regroup and defeat their enemies.

There are of course elements of Eastern culture that have become a part of the West like yoga and meditation techniques, Kung Fu and toys with lead paint. I have always wondered if there is something more that I am missing. Are there pearls of wisdom that I am sorely lacking that could possibly add vast dimensions to my life? Like most things, I had no idea where to start looking for this answer and so in true style I have put it out of my mind.

Luckily, I read a book last week, twice. It wasn’t that the book was so good but rather that it was filled with Eastern based practical insight to life. You may have well have heard about this book called ‘The Monk who sold his Ferrari’ by Robin Sharma. It really is a take on how to control ones life by using some simple techniques. This is by no means a religious book but my view is that all of this stuff can beautifully complement your beliefs.

For me, it was interesting to see a whole bunch of mostly familiar concepts presented in a compelling and comprehensive manner. If you want an insight into some solid Eastern philosphy full of good common sense, this book is a great introduction. Who knows, perhaps I will dissect it right here on this blog in time to come!

One of the key techniques that was presented involves time spent in meditation and reflection. This rocked my world!

An irony of my life is that I have all of this time and yet have spent less time in reflection than when I worked a full day job. Sadder still is that this is my year to determine where I am going and to set myself up for the rest of my life. Kind of sobering when you stand back and look at yourself and see the thing that you should be spending most of your time on, is the one thing that you have abandoned.

So I started last week to set aside some me time in the morning before anyone was awake. My time to reflect and pray. I have been rewarded with a clarity of purpose, a relaxed demeanour and the ability to deal with my children on a different level. As a bonus, I was there for three sunrises and one really spectacular sunrise. These is no doubt that these changes are hard to implement and maintain but they are worth it!

Now I just have to find a bad Chinese movie to star in, although there is no way that I am drinking herbal tea!!

Some believe that I have succumbed to misery, depression and self despair. This would be nothing more than a vicious rumour! I delight in the fact that my writing has evolved to a point where I am able to convey such a deep sense of emotion. Perhaps at long last I am becoming both a writer and human.

You see my life in the corporate world involved the continual hardening of my heart. The work equivalent to a diet of too much cholesterol. Hard decisions had to be made on a daily basis and in order to live with the outcomes, one had to separate self from the equation. The higher I progressed, the tougher the calls and the less I required any emotional thought. Slowly I scattered my emotions away in an unknown magic forest somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain. The daily change was subtle but looking back over my career, I had become a difficult hard man, where what I wanted was the focus of my life. Sadly, I used to think that this was a good thing!

This pilgrimage of mine has included an obscure benefit in that I seem to have found this magic forest and as I walk in its coolness and beauty, I discover riches strewn along the path. This is a fabulous journey as I clothe myself with these new emotions and feelings. I don’t understand them as they are garments that I have not spent a lot of time wearing. As such every time I put one on, I am astounded by the deepness and richness of their use. Having this time on my hands I am able to stand back and reflect on them and how I feel about them. Having reflected, I am able to decide if this is something I want to wear again or knowing that I have this item in my wardrobe, understanding how to take it off again.

Life sans emotions is a dull life. It is like living in an operating theatre where everything is orderly, sterile, and smells of antiseptic lotion. It is a life lived in the realm of black and white. Of logic and rational reasoning that trumps all else. Where the answer is clear and obvious and a definite set of rules governs every situation. I used to think that I was alive, that I was passionate, and that the mindset I had, helped me to fully appreciate life.

But I was wrong. It is only now that I have started to experience my emotions and feelings and tie them into every aspect of my life that I have started to truly live. For example, I used to want to do community work because I knew on some rational level that I had been given so much and I needed to give some back. Now, I rejoice in the fact that sometimes events move me to deep compassion and it is this compassion that motivates me to do something good. The doors and windows of my mind have been opened and there is a fresh breeze blowing through here.

So you see that although I may still be slightly mad, I am rediscovering myself bit by bit. Sometimes my finds are difficult and at other times uplifting. Either way, I hope that by understanding myself better, I will be able to devote myself to the betterment of the common good!

We got back yesterday from a holiday at the coast. Hmmm you may ask. Yes, I do live at the coast and most would agree that I have been on holiday for months. The great irony of my life is that although I have not worked for the last 4 months, I have been busier than ever. I have read fewer books and spent less time in reflection than when I had a job. Enough about me, the rest of the family needed a holiday and I just tagged along. It was meant to be a surfing holiday in Still Bay but unfortunately the bay was just still. Surfing was at an absolute minimum and I really had to search for waves. Actually I just lowered my standards and tried in vain to surf the mush on offer!

And so instead of surfing my brains out, the family and I had a wonderful family holiday. Most of my time was spent with my sons doing what they wanted to do. Luckily this coincided a lot with what I like doing too. I thought some pictures may be in order.

Still Bay harbour front

Rocks and sea at night

Luke & I longboarding

Mine is bigger than yours

Checking out the wildlife!

So, I got to do some things that I have not focussed on in a while. I read a couple of great books (more on them later) and I spent some good time in reflection. I have a far better understanding of where I am right now and what I need to be doing right now. I also understand that I don’t know where I will end up and that this is actually ok. I know that I need to focus on my book (just like my wife says) and get it done. After that .....

You have no idea how much a normal job adds to definition in your life. It is massive. I was recently asked and then submitted a tender to do a piece of work for a company. It really is a wonderful and exciting project and I am more than qualified to do it. I got excited by the prospect of doing a little consulting on the side. Unfortunately, it looks like I will not get this piece of work and that is just the way it is. I am massively disappointed, funny that!

For me, I can decide to learn from the experience or I can decide to crawl into a hole and feel sorry for myself. I don’t like option B and so I need to learn something, fast!

I suppose that there are lessons to be learnt. I should be learning some serious humility, and I am. I am also learning to deal with disappointment. I suppose that I have not had too much failure in my life and so it is about time that I do learn the lessons that it has to offer. I clearly remember one of the first major disappointments in my life, not passing my drivers license first time around. For some or other reason, this cocky self assured little youngster decided that he did not need all of the allowed space to complete the three point turn. Duh, did not make it and was in a state of mild shock when told that he had failed. Many years and many disappointments later and I find that I have not yet worked out how to deal with it.

So my BIG learning is that perhaps there is a bigger plan out there for me. I have yet to see out my year off and already I am looking to sell off blocks of my time. Perhaps there are bigger lessons and bigger opportunities out there for me. Faith that God has a plan for me is really my saving grace, and this realisation has given me some peace of mind.

Time seems to make all of the hurt of failure fade away. How many times have you looked back on your life to times of immense disappointment and actually been glad at how things turned out in the end? I am positive we have all had this experience, so I intend to take it all in my stride and run with it!

Anyway, this was another of those nothing ventured, nothing gained kinds of experiences. Not getting the work really does not make a big difference to my plan although it would have been fun, full of learning and a great experience. So, I committed emotionally, I sold a small amount of my time and I did not get what I wanted. I will survive and I will try again!

My wife tells me I am supposed to be writing a book and that I should get on with it. Point taken!!!