Men at work

Just days after posting about all my surf issues, I found myself back at the scene of trouble, on a surf trip up the West Coast. A good friend of mine has decided to champion some mission work in Australia. A better send off for a passionate surfer than three days of surfing with six of his mates, I would not know.

We chose the weekend based on a break in our diaries. It just happened to coincide with a big swell and all of the right weather factors to make one of the premier left breaks in the country come alive. Sometimes you get lucky!

So this scaredy pants and a regular surf posse arrived in Elands Bay early in the morning to find big waves and only three other surfers in the water. Having borrowed a new state of the art wetsuit, I hoped my luck would continue to hold, and my body would adjust to the cold water without its usual protests.

Paddling like mad to stay in the zone, as a river of water streamed down the point, I was warm, frisky, and alive. The waves were big and inconsistent. My surfing was just as bad as it had been over the last couple of months, but the rest of the posse surfed like men possessed. Hours later, exhausted and smiling, we lunched and swapped stories of ridiculous rides.

And so it went, incredible waves, more than a thousand photographs of our every move, and laughs shared, session after session. My surfing improved in leaps and bounds with the good humoured attention of my friends, quality time in the water, and a wetsuit that worked. The best waves of my life, no question about it!

Sunday afternoon saw us depart with limp noodles for arms and enough shared memories to last lifetimes!

Sure the surf had made the trip but it was epic for another reason, men on an adventure. As men, we rarely go in search of the unknown, pushing our bodies past their limits, and discovering a place inside ourselves where we rise to the challenge. For me this trip included the most incredible rides, a continuous battle with my lack of ability, and the worst wave beatings I have ever received. It was exciting, scary, challenging, and far more fun than shopping in the mall. More importantly, we did it together, rejuvenated friendships, and bonded on a level far deeper than our Facebook updates.

I am amazed at how this sport I so nearly abandoned has provided such an amazing boost to my life. I cannot wait to take my boys on a similar adventure!

Mik rearranging the sea

Mik in another barrel

Henrique on the birthday ride of his life



Me looking for the green room

Andy going vertical

Shane, the master of soul

Mik still in a barrel

Too cold to play

On the surfing front, disaster! I have struggled for years with an allergy to the cold. Living in South Africa has meant it has not been a big deal, things are always warm here. It used to be well under control, but being a surfer in Cape Town has required frequent dips in freezing cold water, and so this allergy has slowly reared its frozen head. My last sessions in the water have each been worse than the previous ones. When I first get into the water, I am able to catch a wave, but then rapidly lose ability as my body cools.

Out of the water, it is easy to look back and see how both my body and mind slow down as I wait for waves. In the water, though, my mind becomes so sluggish that making decisions takes ages, even the decision to get out of the cold water again! And of course, in the sea, anything slow is punished!

The only solution to this allergy is to avoid the stimulus. In other words, staying well away from cold water would solve all of my troubles. Except for the loss of this wonderful passion that fuels my life! Like all allergies, one should not take chances, as in its severest form there is a short good bye.

I don’t like ultimatums, never have. Being a middle ground kind of guy has always worked for me. I cannot continue and I cannot not!

My mates have been horrified at my suggestion to throw in the towel. A sentiment which has given me great motivation to find a way to deal with it all! Of course they also think I am just being a bit of a pansy...

One possibility is to dramatically reduce my time in the water, perhaps limit it to 30 minutes, followed by a mad scramble to the shore. I could then pick up my camera and enjoy the rest of my time on the other side of a lens. Another solution is to replace my aging wetsuit, which is probably the major factor in my cooling, as opposed to being my warm safety blanket.

I don’t like the idea of my body determining what I can and cannot do. Many people have happily accepted the limitations their bodies have imposed upon them. Comfortable doing only what they find comfortable! I am afraid, I will not accept my limits, they will be pushed to the end. And I will enjoy the pain and hardship, together with the satisfaction of knowing I pushed as hard as I could!

Somewhere between swallowing mouthfuls of antihistamines and seawater, I hope to find the answer!

My children have had such a good week. Matt and Luke scored deciding goals in their hockey matches. Matt went on to score a try in a rugby match, and then another two goals in a further hockey match. It is amazing to see the confidence and enthusiasm that success on the sports field brings back into our home. Not to be outdone, Isabella can now fly down our hill on her plastic pink bike, all 20 months of her beaming in delight.

But it has been better than that. Luke has suddenly found his pleasant self, where he talks nicely, thinks about others, and even remembers to do some of what he has been asked. A revolution in our home!

Donna and I tried to figure out the driver of the big change. As a parent, this one learning would have massive potential! One possibility seemed to revolve around him being allowed to play maths games on my phone. I had downloaded the games in an attempt to make maths fun and change his attitude towards the subject. Who knows, a side effect may have been a complete change to his overall attitude.

In complete contrast, Matthew has found his core grumpiness. One can see him trying to battle for control. Food and sleep are sure fire ways to get him back to his energiser self. We did wonder if he made a swap with Luke, a bad attitude for a little of the good stuff!

As a result, Luke and I are having a boy’s night out with one of his friends. I am looking forward to our time together, the two of us, in my black beast, a road trip, time with mates, a sleep over, and a long trip home past heaps of surf spots.

Matt is having a weekend away with one of his best friends. I not sure Donna is as excited to spend more time as just the girls!

Anything could happen

It has been an interesting couple of weeks. A flood of work has submerged me in business.  A real joy seeing as the last couple of months have been rather slim in terms of their financial contributions. I enjoy working hard; it makes me feel as if I am positively contributing to the welfare of my family. Nobody should ever deride the meaning of this simple concept; it really is valuable to my being. I do have to say, I also enjoy the balance in providing for family as well as providing for those who have nothing. It is an interesting roller coaster ride and I do wonder who long I can continue to hang on!

My fluid position means I am poised for any opportunity which may come my way. In itself a liberating concept, as it really means anything may happen. I think I am starting to enjoy both the uncertainty and excitement that is inherent in this space.

Although it is far more exciting when the bills are being paid!

By the grace of God go I...

Sweating the small stuff

Don’t sweat the small stuff! I remember my mother reading a book with the same title when I still lived at home. I had always thought I steered a rather good line past the minor issues of life, focussing on things of importance, but now I am not so sure...

It took a line from a film trailer to wake me up. The film was titled, ‘The Tree of Life’. The film has Brad Pitt in it, but my wife turned her nose up at it. The brief snippet involved a mother shouting after a father and son, who were walking away together. She yelled something to the father about teaching lessons their son could understand because he was only a child.

 
It struck me how often I try and get my children to get everything perfect all of the time. Many of those things being the small things like hanging up towels, not complaining about unpacking the dishwasher, cleaning their rooms, etc. I cannot believe how frustrated I become when they fail to get these things right. Perhaps it’s because the small stuff still goes wrong despite numerous repeated requests for change. Even more likely is that I have allowed the small stuff to take over my life. Where it has become more important for everything to be perfect and stay perfect.

Though strangely enough, I am not perfect at all...

The effort required to continuously focus on all of this stuff is enormous. The shouting, tempers, and frustration is ludicrous. I like consistency in the way things are done and in the way I discipline. Yet consistency for the sake of consistency is a rather pointless exercise.

My oldest son’s penchant for walking around without tying his shoelaces may be a minor safety issue but certainly will have no bearing on him growing up into a man of character, values, and love. As parents, we only have so much time with our offspring, surely it should be spent focussed on the things that will make a real difference in their future. As a parent with over ten years experience, I am continually surprised at how much I still have to learn.

Time to step up and let the little things go!

And the right attitude wins

I took Woman’s Day here in South Africa as an invitation to go surfing. Surely rejoicing in the bounty of Mother Nature on this public holiday must be a good thing?

Well I was all wrong. Nothing unusual about that, certainly when it comes to women...

Our first view of our usual break was vaguely reminiscent of a week ago when I dubbed it my most extreme surf ever. Freezing cold water, gale force plus winds, and big waves made for an interesting surf then, with only the wind being slightly less aggressive today. Oh, and the sets were few and far between. I sat in the car, being rocked gently by the wind, hoping the posse would decide not to venture forth. I was outvoted by the aggressive suiting up of my so called mates.

I got my kit on, slowly. Then my rock hopping into the sea was cut short by a mistimed wave which washed me backwards over the rocks. Paddling through the icy water, I questioned why I was there at all. At backline, numerous waves went by before I caught one. The one I caught, reared up, smashed me on the back, rolled me along the sea floor, and washed me up 75 meters further down the break. The second wave I caught did the same thing.

 The rest of my surf posse was having a glorious time, catching wave after wave!

I realised my problem was simply my mental attitude. Could I change my attitude as I got colder and more tired? My children are constantly badgered by me to start everything they do with the right attitude and if they are to do something, to do it to the best of their ability. Yet here was, suffering because I had failed to heed my own advice. A hard fought mental attitude change brought meagre results, two waves in the two hours I was out there.

Hardly a mental recovery to write about! Instead realisation about how truly remarkable it is for any person to lift their game while in the throes of negativity!

And how much more I can do to support my children when they are struggling instead of berating them...

Talking Heads

I spent a couple of days in Johannesburg last week. Dry and dusty days, filled with the smell of burnt veld. I got to share two very special dinners with friends and family. Blessed food unifying us all!

It is a wonderful privilege to be able to travel across the country and arrive in somebody else’s home as an extra member of the family. To join in their prayers, laughs, stories, fears, and deep bonds of love. Rejuvenating, inspiring, and a clear message that my family is in many ways like any other! For the rest my family is just a little wacky...

Then to be able to spend some time with an uncle and aunt was another gift beyond measure. To share a life happening apart and remember a life lived long ago. Memories filled with love and laughter.

Conversations like these make life full, deep, and meaningful. Yet most of us live life at a pace that fails to facilitate these kinds of conversations, instead relegating communication to quick catch ups of the most superficial kind.   

It really is deeply satisfying to take life slowly and probe the depths of each other’s souls once in a while!

Trying to do the right thing

Life is full of twists and turns, and I seem to have gotten struck somewhere around a bend...

In my business I hunt dragons on a regular basis, in order to bring in an income.  For those who don’t know, dragons in my world are metaphorical business problems requiring resolution. Sometimes I am the Knight who gets to solve problems for business and pick up a cheque for my efforts. The last few months have been tough, the dragons seem to have emigrated, leaving me with little income generating work.

Ironically, I have more irons in the fire than ever before, meaning the future is filled with possibilities. Although when these possibilities will mature is anyone’s guess.

With little to no distress calls, time has been plentiful. It is hard to look at a lack of business as a gift, but this is precisely what it has been. My challenge has been to use it wisely! Luckily a broken finger and the mending of a torn foot ligament have cut surfing out of the picture, which may have caused me to be rather wasteful of this gift. Instead my community projects seemed to come alive, sucking every spare minute I have had. I know the time is all well spent, but I have not been able to stop the internal mental debate.

Instead of ‘wasting’ my time on non income generating activities, I probably should have been doing something to grow my business. A little clever marketing would not have gone amiss. Any business person would have known this! Yet it seemed as if so many other good causes had needs so much greater than my petty business growth issues. Having been blessed with time, it would have been far more wasteful to have not used it on something good for others. Or so the debate in my head has raged...

 Doing the right thing for my fellow man has left me with a little gap to fill on the income side of my income statement. A concern one has to face up to at some time! It did cross my mind that my joyous journey had possibly come to an end. Perhaps it was time to consider a corporate job and shred the book I have recently and painfully completed. Or was it time to get a job in an organisation aimed at the upliftment of others? Something I could champion into the future, merging my skills and passions for good. Then again, if I can only hang in for a little bit longer, I might be able to create an organisation for good or find one of my many irons in the fire exploding into life!

One thing I have learnt is that these projects which pay nothing are the most rewarding I have ever attempted. They have also provided great lessons in humility and compassion, both of which do not pay the bills, but will certainly shape me into a better man.

It has been a tough period in life but one buoyed by the archaic idea that if I am doing the right thing, God will provide. And so he has, but perhaps not in the way I expected!