I entered the church of my childhood with trepidation. Today was a special day and I was quite unprepared for what was about to happen. A good friend of mine was to be ordained as a priest, the culmination of a long journey. The sacristy of this very church had been where I met Justin for the first time, a mere 26 years ago! My mother had been a sacristan, which meant that she occasionally prepared the church for mass during the week. On those occasions, I invariably got dragged along for an extra hour of church torture. To my utter amazement, on one of those visits, I found Justin, a ten year old boy happily preparing to serve as an altar boy because he wanted to be there!
Fast forward to today and he was about to make a lifelong commitment to God.
I saw one of my old school mates waving madly to me and so my wife and I made our way over and sat with his family. We were early but the church was already packed, and this is no small church. Sitting in that pew, I was assaulted by memories long forgotten. Of countless hours spent on that same altar as an altar boy. Of banding together with two of my close friends, one of whom sat next to me, to join the choir and attempt to make a difference to the singing. Yeah me singing, I had the volume, sometimes, I even had the tune! And then time spent starting and running a youth group in the parish. It had been a long and wonderful association.
The service was incredible, fascinating, beautiful, and full of symbolism. More than 20 priests were in attendance as well as the Arch Bishop. Much of the singing was in Latin, hauntingly beautiful, sung by three choirs, all adding a special flavour to this day. At a point in the service, Justin lay down in the church, prostrate before God. Later the Arch Bishop tied his hands together as a symbol of Justin’s obedience to him. At many times in the service I had to close my eyes and blink back tears. I was not the only one!
A barely noticed two hours later, Justin emerged a priest. Smiling broadly, reflecting a deep inner happiness! And only now will his journey begin!
This event was the emotional pinnacle of my life. It feels funny to write that when I think of the momentous occasions of my own life; including my own marriage and the birth of my children. Yet, I do believe that I have grown as a person over the last 20 months on my own journey. At long last starting to shake the cold calculating persona I had so carefully created. Mixed together with the time I have spent watching my good friend struggle with his call to God. I feel so privileged to have shared a part of his suffering on the road that led here. To see him emerge on the other side, made me feel radiant and alive, bursting with pride.
Challenged to do more!
Justin, my friend, my prayers and thoughts are with you. Live a life filled with love!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
We are back
What a wonderful weekend. Not only was I privileged to witness a good friend of mine ordained as a Catholic priest but also found myself immersed in the warmth of old friendships.
Justin’s ordination, about which I shall blog more later, was a catalyst for bringing together school friends from 19 years ago. Sure, we have seen each other on occasions since then, but this was the first time that we were all together. Truly frightening was that all of these old friends had discovered the art of procreation and perfected it in their numerous offspring. Out of 7 mates, there are now 14 children and 2 current pregnancies. And one of those friends is a priest and does not count!
Amongst them, I found a comrade who also shares a love of old Fords with big engines that like to drink! Lots!
Besides the school mates, the weekend gave us the opportunity to reconnect with a number of our Johannesburg friends. To write that I have been extra ordinarily blessed with a number of incredibly deep male friendships would be an understatement! I am still great mates with one of the first bosses of my working career, from my time at the Johannesburg Council. It is a relationship which needs little in the form of daily, weekly or even monthly maintenance, yet when we get together we connect so deeply that a conversation is a holiday! We both have this feeling that in the future, we will end up doing some good together. I have no idea what it may be, but it is comforting to know that at least one heavyweight is prepared to fight at my side!
And then there was the time spent with heaps of friends and family, all most appreciated and thoroughly relaxing. There is nothing like time spent with others! To all of those friends and family that entertained us with love and copious amounts of food; we love you guys!
Justin’s ordination, about which I shall blog more later, was a catalyst for bringing together school friends from 19 years ago. Sure, we have seen each other on occasions since then, but this was the first time that we were all together. Truly frightening was that all of these old friends had discovered the art of procreation and perfected it in their numerous offspring. Out of 7 mates, there are now 14 children and 2 current pregnancies. And one of those friends is a priest and does not count!
Amongst them, I found a comrade who also shares a love of old Fords with big engines that like to drink! Lots!
Besides the school mates, the weekend gave us the opportunity to reconnect with a number of our Johannesburg friends. To write that I have been extra ordinarily blessed with a number of incredibly deep male friendships would be an understatement! I am still great mates with one of the first bosses of my working career, from my time at the Johannesburg Council. It is a relationship which needs little in the form of daily, weekly or even monthly maintenance, yet when we get together we connect so deeply that a conversation is a holiday! We both have this feeling that in the future, we will end up doing some good together. I have no idea what it may be, but it is comforting to know that at least one heavyweight is prepared to fight at my side!
And then there was the time spent with heaps of friends and family, all most appreciated and thoroughly relaxing. There is nothing like time spent with others! To all of those friends and family that entertained us with love and copious amounts of food; we love you guys!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Cheating again
News24 carried a story yesterday titled ‘Why woman stray’. It carried the by line ‘find out why more and more woman are straying’. Now I know this is unfair and even my mom has told me in no uncertain terms that it is not just women but also men who stray. Yes it takes two to tango...
http://www.women24.com/Content/LoveAndSex/SexAndSizzle/2418/6170efc381ee421dbab7aaf3c2127def/11-12-2007-01-40/Why_women_stray
I was a little surprised by the amount of comments to this post, filled with stories of cheating spouses. It is rather sad! Interesting is that those who cheat have these wonderful ‘legitimate’ reasons as to why they cheat...And that makes it all right?
Locking myself into a two year cell phone contract makes me feel most apprehensive. Sure I get a new and sexy phone but the forms, real fine print, and countless rules, make me sweat! In stark contrast, my marriage, which is a commitment for life, or at least the next 54 years, fails to create any of that uncertainty or angst. This may be of course due to the nature of my wife. An amazing woman who overlooks all of my faults and continues to love and care for me regardless. I am a lucky guy! We know that we are meant to be together, not because of some cosmic connection or star struck love but rather because we are both prepared to work at being together till death do us part. And none of that I can say about my cell phone!
To take this further, I think children are also a lifetime contract. Not an 18 or 21 year one, or until they are out of your house and you no longer have to pay maintenance. Children are a wonderful blessing but parents have to appreciate that the majority of their interests and desires have to be set aside in order to focus on the well being of their children. For the rest of your life!!!
Surely, if more of us were able to commit to our children in a really special way, they would feel more loved and become potent forces for good in this world? Perhaps they would be able to escape this never ending cycle of hurt and destruction...
http://www.women24.com/Content/LoveAndSex/SexAndSizzle/2418/6170efc381ee421dbab7aaf3c2127def/11-12-2007-01-40/Why_women_stray
I was a little surprised by the amount of comments to this post, filled with stories of cheating spouses. It is rather sad! Interesting is that those who cheat have these wonderful ‘legitimate’ reasons as to why they cheat...And that makes it all right?
Locking myself into a two year cell phone contract makes me feel most apprehensive. Sure I get a new and sexy phone but the forms, real fine print, and countless rules, make me sweat! In stark contrast, my marriage, which is a commitment for life, or at least the next 54 years, fails to create any of that uncertainty or angst. This may be of course due to the nature of my wife. An amazing woman who overlooks all of my faults and continues to love and care for me regardless. I am a lucky guy! We know that we are meant to be together, not because of some cosmic connection or star struck love but rather because we are both prepared to work at being together till death do us part. And none of that I can say about my cell phone!
To take this further, I think children are also a lifetime contract. Not an 18 or 21 year one, or until they are out of your house and you no longer have to pay maintenance. Children are a wonderful blessing but parents have to appreciate that the majority of their interests and desires have to be set aside in order to focus on the well being of their children. For the rest of your life!!!
Surely, if more of us were able to commit to our children in a really special way, they would feel more loved and become potent forces for good in this world? Perhaps they would be able to escape this never ending cycle of hurt and destruction...
Friday, September 11, 2009
New experiences
Standing on a tiled step while surveying the panoramic vista of Juba and the countryside around it, I realise that I am incredibly blessed. A contractor from India pops his head out of the canteen and tells me his concoction will be ready in five minutes.
I sigh with pleasure as I have just finished a massive dinner and this is an unexpected surprise. I had been warned to avoid the Indian’s dinner at all cost due to its fiery nature, but warnings to me about hot food are wasted breath. How can I refuse the offer of one so friendly, and only too keen to share his own home cooked in a canteen dinner with this complete stranger. He smiles as he admits that his mother would throw his cooking in the bin but then again hers would be pretty mild!
Rain lashes Juba with a vengeance, lightning arcs across the sky, and thunder gives voice to some heavenly displeasure. The sky’s ethereal purple glow serves as a beautiful backdrop to this violent display. Water runs along the ground in great sheets and disappears into the darkness.
I miss my wife and children. I miss my friends and family. My surfboard seems so far away as do the rolling frolicking wet beasts I am so challenged to surf. And yet, I am so blessed to be able to experience something as awe inspiring as a tropical thunderstorm in a remote part of the world and share a brilliant fire and chicken dish with a complete stranger.
Life is not about what I have! Instead it is in times when I truly grasp my insignificance that I feel most alive!
I sigh with pleasure as I have just finished a massive dinner and this is an unexpected surprise. I had been warned to avoid the Indian’s dinner at all cost due to its fiery nature, but warnings to me about hot food are wasted breath. How can I refuse the offer of one so friendly, and only too keen to share his own home cooked in a canteen dinner with this complete stranger. He smiles as he admits that his mother would throw his cooking in the bin but then again hers would be pretty mild!
Rain lashes Juba with a vengeance, lightning arcs across the sky, and thunder gives voice to some heavenly displeasure. The sky’s ethereal purple glow serves as a beautiful backdrop to this violent display. Water runs along the ground in great sheets and disappears into the darkness.
I miss my wife and children. I miss my friends and family. My surfboard seems so far away as do the rolling frolicking wet beasts I am so challenged to surf. And yet, I am so blessed to be able to experience something as awe inspiring as a tropical thunderstorm in a remote part of the world and share a brilliant fire and chicken dish with a complete stranger.
Life is not about what I have! Instead it is in times when I truly grasp my insignificance that I feel most alive!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Till Death do us part
My wife recently had a conversation with a bunch of women. Four out of the six ladies saw very little wrong with having an affair. Three of those four ladies are (still) married. Happily, my wife was in the dissenting two! Now I know that this is hardly a representative sample but...
These ladies have made their decision, opportunity will probably knock, the wrong headboards will bang, secrets will be kept, secrets will be leaked, and families will be destroyed. But at least they will have had their couple of moments of pleasure, perhaps days or even weeks of it. A taste of the forbidden fruit, every drop of its delectable juice licked and savoured. And the realisation that it is forbidden not because it isn’t fun or pleasurable but because it is devastatingly destructive!
Their children will lose everything. Their secure world will be shattered as mom and dad go their separate ways ensuring that life is never the same again. Their children will learn that self pleasure is far more important than the well being of others, almost at any cost. And the children will go on to repeat the same cycle in their own lives, after all this is a lesson learnt from the most important people they know!
Or perhaps, the affair is never discovered. Instead a little worm eats away inside. It eats everything that is dear to them and ultimately takes their joy of life. They live wondering if they will be discovered. Every word is counted to ensure that it can in no way be misinterpreted. And slowly they start to die. Perhaps they thought they were dead before the affair but now they realise how well and truly mistaken they were. And they cannot go back and change it!
Maybe, they are one of those rare individuals, narcissistic to the core or even psychologically challenged, where stuff like this bothers them not at all. Their own pleasure comes first and the rest be damned. Perhaps their husband does not mind and their children see them as the delinquent they are. And then the children grow older and forget birthdays or to go and visit, they live out their life alone. Well not really alone, a lot of time is spent in bars dressed in tight leopard skin pants and a top that shows off their once renowned bosom as they try desperately to snare some young buck and recapture that illusion of happiness. Only to find themselves lonelier than ever after the banging headboard is silenced.
Am I so old fashioned to believe wholeheartedly in the promise I made at an altar; to love and to hold to death do us part? Are people out there so broken and dispirited that they are willing to risk it all for a brief interlude of joy? And how do we make this world a better place for our children if we are prepared to exchange their happiness for our own?
Oh married people; please join me and prove to the world that marriage can be a beautiful partnership if only we dare to imagine its possibilities and do some hard work to make them reality!
These ladies have made their decision, opportunity will probably knock, the wrong headboards will bang, secrets will be kept, secrets will be leaked, and families will be destroyed. But at least they will have had their couple of moments of pleasure, perhaps days or even weeks of it. A taste of the forbidden fruit, every drop of its delectable juice licked and savoured. And the realisation that it is forbidden not because it isn’t fun or pleasurable but because it is devastatingly destructive!
Their children will lose everything. Their secure world will be shattered as mom and dad go their separate ways ensuring that life is never the same again. Their children will learn that self pleasure is far more important than the well being of others, almost at any cost. And the children will go on to repeat the same cycle in their own lives, after all this is a lesson learnt from the most important people they know!
Or perhaps, the affair is never discovered. Instead a little worm eats away inside. It eats everything that is dear to them and ultimately takes their joy of life. They live wondering if they will be discovered. Every word is counted to ensure that it can in no way be misinterpreted. And slowly they start to die. Perhaps they thought they were dead before the affair but now they realise how well and truly mistaken they were. And they cannot go back and change it!
Maybe, they are one of those rare individuals, narcissistic to the core or even psychologically challenged, where stuff like this bothers them not at all. Their own pleasure comes first and the rest be damned. Perhaps their husband does not mind and their children see them as the delinquent they are. And then the children grow older and forget birthdays or to go and visit, they live out their life alone. Well not really alone, a lot of time is spent in bars dressed in tight leopard skin pants and a top that shows off their once renowned bosom as they try desperately to snare some young buck and recapture that illusion of happiness. Only to find themselves lonelier than ever after the banging headboard is silenced.
Am I so old fashioned to believe wholeheartedly in the promise I made at an altar; to love and to hold to death do us part? Are people out there so broken and dispirited that they are willing to risk it all for a brief interlude of joy? And how do we make this world a better place for our children if we are prepared to exchange their happiness for our own?
Oh married people; please join me and prove to the world that marriage can be a beautiful partnership if only we dare to imagine its possibilities and do some hard work to make them reality!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Oh the Pain
There are a number of different reactions in my home to two certain evenings in the week. I fear these events because I know that I am going to get beaten up and return home to my wife a tired, bruised, and very sweaty man. She does not always approve!
My kids look forward to these evenings with a longing that borders on desperation. They get to go out and fight with other children and play rough without any fear of an authority figure breaking it up! Well at least as long as they are fighting as they have been taught. For a kid, utopia!
My wife gets a blissful two hours of alone time. I have no idea what she does, but I think she secretly revels in the solitude, and the excess stores of chocolate.
Yes, judo night! The night the three boys go off to the local Judoka and do our best to learn rudimentary Japanese and throw other people around! I have found much of the learning to involve me being dropped on the floor whilst incurring maximum pain and skin discolouration.
Last night was that night again. After Monday night’s bruising episode, I was a little apprehensive. I sure don’t remember this being the case, when as a kid I did Judo with my brother. Last night I arrived at Judo, actually remembered my Japanese, threw other people around the place, and had a lot of fun! I do have some more neat bruises to show all the squeamish people who don’t want to look, but that just adds to an already great evening!
I am not sure that my boys have noticed through their haze of uber excitement, but their dad has really struggled through this thing. Up until yesterday, all of the effort seemed pointless bar the obvious father and sons doing stuff together benefits. But as usual, nothing worthwhile can be achieved without any real effort, and Judo is no exception. Hopefully the big lesson my boys will learn is the value in discipline, hard work, and perseverance.
Oh yes, and how to avoid applying for residency in a foreign country because you are a victim of life!
My kids look forward to these evenings with a longing that borders on desperation. They get to go out and fight with other children and play rough without any fear of an authority figure breaking it up! Well at least as long as they are fighting as they have been taught. For a kid, utopia!
My wife gets a blissful two hours of alone time. I have no idea what she does, but I think she secretly revels in the solitude, and the excess stores of chocolate.
Yes, judo night! The night the three boys go off to the local Judoka and do our best to learn rudimentary Japanese and throw other people around! I have found much of the learning to involve me being dropped on the floor whilst incurring maximum pain and skin discolouration.
Last night was that night again. After Monday night’s bruising episode, I was a little apprehensive. I sure don’t remember this being the case, when as a kid I did Judo with my brother. Last night I arrived at Judo, actually remembered my Japanese, threw other people around the place, and had a lot of fun! I do have some more neat bruises to show all the squeamish people who don’t want to look, but that just adds to an already great evening!
I am not sure that my boys have noticed through their haze of uber excitement, but their dad has really struggled through this thing. Up until yesterday, all of the effort seemed pointless bar the obvious father and sons doing stuff together benefits. But as usual, nothing worthwhile can be achieved without any real effort, and Judo is no exception. Hopefully the big lesson my boys will learn is the value in discipline, hard work, and perseverance.
Oh yes, and how to avoid applying for residency in a foreign country because you are a victim of life!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
No more Chocolate in my Life
Our chocolate dilemma has received much attention over the last few days and I am pleased to report that the chocolate pile is no more! Thanks to all of you who have worked so diligently to ensure that this problem was resolved as soon as possible!
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