I had dinner on Saturday evening and the topic of conversation turned to my future. I explained what I was going to get up to. One of the guests commented to me that one just needs to find the balance. My response was that “There is no way to balance the problem”. He said “There is”. I said “there isn’t”. If you have young children you will understand this argument – there is no end. He then said he was able to find the balance in his life. At this point his wife did not turn and look at him strangely or even comment to the contrary. I tell you that I looked deeply at her for any signs that her pupils were narrowing, her nostrils flaring or any other obvious facial tics – there were none. And so I had to accept that this was true. I was extremely disappointed that somebody else had worked out on his own that he needed to balance his life and that he had gotten it right, all without my help and example. In my state of denial, I decided to postpone my disbelief of his statement till later and then responded “It sure was not possible within my line of work”.

Interestingly enough my next thoughts were, “he does not understand what he is talking about”. My mind followed this up with “He obviously earns far less than me and has no concept of what real pressure and stress is”. As a well balanced thinking individual I thought “good work buddy, argument solved, he does not have a clue”. Move on to next drink!

Of all places, I was standing in church when my mind started to think properly again. Am I a fool or what? Once again I have been reminded and humbled by my own arrogance. It seems there is no end or limit to it! I realized that he could be right and that he could have sorted all of this stuff out. Instead I missed a valuable opportunity to explore his thinking and how he has managed to make peace with the different tensions or trade offs that he has within his life. I was shocked to think that I (Mr. lets not follow societies lead) had reverted to the money argument. I am the one who has not been able to balance my tensions and it is I that needs to make the change. It is also not him who should learn from me but rather I that should be learning from him. My wife was a little surprised when I nudged her and asked for a pen. I then proceeded to scribble furiously on a scrap of paper and later had to assure her that it was not a divine message from above, just my stupidity reasserting itself!

So today I salute all those who have managed to resolve these trade offs in ways that work for them – nice work!!