This morning I had breakfast with my children. It was a different morning to yesterday when I had breakfast with an old colleague of mine. It was a wonderful experience just to chat and debate this future of mine and hear in the words of somebody else that this move of mine is possible. The other great thing is that this person is a role model – he too made a life decision and gave up his employment. He has ended up in a far better environment, doing things that excite and challenge him and thoroughly enjoying life. That was yesterday, this morning was very different. There were no deep discussions or in depth sharing of values. No, this morning was all out testosterone, grunting and laughter. A bout of serious rough and tumble! I think as fathers we often forget how important it is to play with our children. I don’t mean just play, but rather pure uninhibited play. We really had fun. I felt like more of a father for just having fun with my kids than I have in ages. The best thing was there was no right way to do it and no instructions to be given, it was just fun.
A theme that has come up in a number of conversations in the recent past has been about children and their upbringing. I recently heard of an informal study of great CEO’s. The only commonality amongst these people was their traumatic or difficult childhoods. It would seem that greatness comes from within. It would also seem that some people who have had to struggle through their early years develop an ability to really do amazing things. I assume that not everyone who has a traumatic childhood develops this inner strength – the point is some are able to make it regardless of their circumstances and influences. The corollary interests me - I did not have a traumatic childhood – does this mean that I will not become a great leader? The same question can be asked of my children. I am making this major life change to benefit my children by being a real father and getting involved in their lives. Am I reducing their chances of being truly great leaders by giving them the best possible childhood (loving family environment)? There is some food for thought!!
1 comment:
Hi Mark!
I liked your description of the fun you had with your kids! Obviously we often have lots of structured play but I too most enjoy the spontaneous play.
Then to you parting comments about the correlation between traumatic childhoods and greatness. I think that it there is definetly a correlation but also that it would be a fallacy to assume that correlation implied causation. I had a traumatic childhood and I firmly believe that my inner strength born out of my upbringing was hinged on a couple of factors, such as the principles taught by my parents, the resilience learnt through set-back, the adversity encountered and the confidence in my own spirit and the consequent ability which flowered. Now, many of my friends and family members also had traumatic childhoods and many of them have not done well at all. Then, others have had comfortable childhoods and have also not done well. I also comtemplate how to ensure that my son grows up to be great whilst not having the same environmental forces as I did. My decision is to simulate the lessons I learned through my circumstances. So the focus will be on how best to teach the same lessons without the circumstances. So to this end, I try to teach him responsibility, good principles in socialisation, creativity, the rewards of commitment and hard work. Although he is only 5, I need to now decide how best to do this and maybe more so for myself than for him because our inclination always is to supply all they need and to ensure that they have the best. Just an example is that we have a domestic helper and my son is always very keen to assist her in cleaning up because of the principles we have taught thus far...so he understands that there is honour in hard work. Close friends of ours have two daughters of 7 and 6 years old. They are quite afluent and have 2 domestic helpers. They ensure that their kids have everything and are not too concerned about teaching them about adversity and hard work. My buddy told me of how much this now concerns him but that he and his wife do not agree. When asking his daughters to clean up their mess after supper...they exclaimed in much distress that he was being silly because they are not maids and the maids would laugh at them.
So my point is that all those CEO's learned some good lessons through their circumstances and all we need to do is to identify those lessons and find ways to teach them. At least to my mind...from a post-traumatic-childhood kid who turned out not too shabby...
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