More Terror

It is still out there, without a care in the world. Well for one thing it does not like the rain. I feel sorry for it and keep it covered up, snug in an old tarpaulin. Every morning I open my curtains and see it sitting in the garden, lurking. I can feel it laughing at me, yet I know it has no voice. I figure it must be laughing. It has me beat. I’m down but I am not out! It just thinks that I am down. That I am too sissy to come out and fight, brave the odds and do the one thing that has eluded me for so long...

Drop in on my halfpipe!

I am still terrified of it. I have worked hard on that lump of wood. I have spent hours rolling over its smooth surface, up and down, up and down. My turns are sharp, my control ever improving. It is just that one simple act that eludes me. I can even use a plank at the top of the ramp and drop in off it. I just cannot seem to make the leap and drop in off the rail. It is not higher, it just seems infinitely more difficult to me.

I lay on the ramp this afternoon and gave it a good stare. Somewhere in the deep, dark recesses of my mind, I recall Anthony Robins writing about fear, and how one can use their imagination to imagine the right outcome to overcome that fear. I pictured myself dropping in and every time, my mind completed the drop in with me falling and twisting my ankle again. And again. And Again! No wonder I cannot make the leap, I am mentally focussed on failure!

I am not going to give up. Firstly I am stupidly competitive and that ramp is not going to beat me. More importantly, I want my children to see me struggle with my own fears, work on them, and overcome them. I just did not think it would be so hard.... But then again fear only has power when you let it!