Give him some space and time

I had another great chat on night number two with Victor, another good Johannesburg friend of mine. I love going to visit his house as it is filled with children and plenty of action.


We talked about our children and our role as parents. It seems to be a common thread that links many of my conversations. I expressed my concern about failing as a parent. My oldest is only a couple of years away from being a teenager and there are still so many things he just does not get.

Victor made an interesting point; as parents we can only do so much. So long as we are doing as much as possible in our children’s best interests, we are doing the right thing. Then he went on to say something about parents not being the only influence in a child’s life.

Now that really struck home. My father was not at home much whilst I was growing up, and yet I managed to find my way. The reason, apart from my mother’s influence, was that I had some rather awesome substitute mentors. In high school, when I had the greatest propensity to go off the rails, I was instead taken under the wing of two people; the vice head master and the school chaplain. Both took this incredible interest in me, providing wonderful shining examples of how men should be. I can still feel their influence in my life today!

There was also one of my friends that made a huge impact. At the most influential time of my life, I had a friend who would change it for the better in so many ways. It could so easily have turned out differently. Instead this friend helped me break out of my shell and become the ‘me’ I was supposed to be.

Interestingly enough, just that morning, the two of us had spent an hour together running and catching up. 25 years on and we are still important to each other!

It was with a great sense of relief that I thought about my son. I am not alone in helping him to find his way. Of course I must make sure that there are a number of great mentors in his life. People that he would feel comfortable turning to in times of trouble. Those times when parents will just not do!

And then hopefully he will take some responsibility towards making his life really wonderful.