I had a surf the other evening that left me with the feeling that one day I may actually learn to surf competently. It was a thrilling experience to taste what lies at the next level of my sport and know that I can do it!
The other day I towed Luke through the shore break and to the end of the long Vic Bay right. I was hoping that he would hop onto this wave and thoroughly enjoy the wonder of surfing a real running wave. This wave is of course filled with challenges, not least of them being the rocks onto which it breaks. Playing bump with them is not advised! After being very excited about this session, Luke suddenly was in tears. He was perturbed by the rocks and the size of some of the waves. Knowing Luke, I understood that he had just told himself he could not do it. From bitter experience I know that this is the time to pack up and head for home. I tried to push him into a couple more waves and he did his best to avoid surfing them. I got frustrated, telling him I was not going to bother again, which of course made matters worse. Then I got us out of there.
The whole experience got me to thinking about how far I should be pushing my children. It is easy to see the benefits of him growing in this sport that he loves, but how much of his growth needs to come from within rather than from demanding dad?
My six years of learning to surf has been driven by my desire to succeed, and the joy I take from exercise in the bosom of nature. It has also been a humbling learning curve that just does not seem to end. Luke’s incredible ability has been driven by natural talent. I know that at some point natural talent is not enough and one must put in some hard work to become really good. Luke is probably only a couple of weeks away from seeing the breakthroughs I saw the other evening. Something that is both thrilling and frustrating for me. I would have loved to take the shortcut route to where I am now! Seeing Luke squander that opportunity is frustrating for me.
By pushing him too hard, I run the risk of ruining something that could bring him great pleasure for the rest of his life. Then again, if he loves what he is doing, he is a winner already. Is there even a need to push him any further? Perhaps my role as a parent is to facilitate his environment so that he is able to get the most enjoyment out of his activities, and that is all.
When he decides he wants more, I will be there to support in any way I can. But he needs to make this decision himself!
Another fine parenting line!
1 comment:
A fine line indeed. I've seen too many parents live their lives through their kids. It's really not worth it. They normally end up burnt out and not enjoying it. Then they quit. At this age, as long as he is having fun then its cool. Cross the line and you might lose him. You've got to know when to push him, but he still has many years to perfect surfing Vic Bay.
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