Thursday, April 16, 2009

Arrogence

I don’t know if you have given the concept of arrogance much thought. Personally this is something that I intensely dislike in others. For some or other reason, it really gets my back up.

I came up with the following concepts of arrogance, by no means a comprehensive or correct list of properties. It is that self important inflated sense of self. The self assured attitude that one is right and that nobody else’s view point really matters. The treating of other people as it they are insignificant. It is pride. That sense of superiority, where one knows that one is important. That love of self above all else.

A couple of weeks back, I found out to my horror that a good friend considered me to be arrogant. What? Me? Never! I have spent the last couple of weeks trying to work through the fact that I possibly could be arrogant. All I can say is that this was some honest feedback that was incredibly difficult to take. The mirror has been held up to my own personality and I find myself rather lacking. It is quite amazing how disappointed I feel in myself.

Thomas Moore writes about the shadow sides of our personality. If I remember correctly, those traits that we most dislike in others are the very same traits that we most fear within ourselves. And for me, this makes a great deal of sense!

So what to do now?

With a bit of help and support, I can try and reduce this blind spot in my psyche. One would have thought that with all of the work I have done on myself this year, I would already be a far better person. Perhaps I am, but then again blind spots are those things that we just cannot see within ourselves. This particular blight has probably cost me an incredible friendship. I hope and pray not. Then again I know how I cannot stand this trait in others, so I can understand how others may feel the same about me. It is all rather sad!

This has been a humbling experience, but I hope that I have found a new awareness of self that will help me in all my relationships in life. I am also going to stumble along the way but I am counting on you guys to gently push me back!

5 comments:

Unknown said...

You are missing the point on this one, if you are to succeed in this world there has to be a degree of arrogance.

Take for example me,
I am the best at what I do
I am the best at websites
I am the best at SEO
I am the best at driving
I am the best at sleeping
I am the best at cooking
I am the best at talking kak
I am the best at drinking (lol)
I have the best family
I have the best wife
I have the best kid
I have the best job
I have the best car
I have the best tummy
I am the best father
I am the best husband
I am the best friend
I am the best employer
and not to forget
I am very very handsome.

PS the list goes on but due to time constraints I have to stop here.

Yes this makes me arrogant and I am proud of it.

Without self arrogance and belief we as individuals will be second, third and fourth life and as far as I am concerned that is not good enough.

So to sum up - by being your best leads people to think that you are arrogant then lets them think what they want to.

Invite them around and make the best braai every - lol.

James

AngelConradie said...

Oy... the hardest lessons are the ones that blind side us and come from people we trust.
In all honesty, I never perceived you as arrogant... but your quote about disliking in others what we fear in ourselves is very true.
Is it at all possible that your friend perhaps used the wrong words?

Mark Eames said...

Hey Pentaxjunkie,

Perhaps you are right about me missing the point. But is there a difference between arrogence and self confidence AND perhaps it is possible for the two to be confused in the mind of the observer??

How about you come over for a braai?

Mark Eames said...

Ah Angel, you are too sweet!!! Anything is possible, but I must say that I have found this experience tough but liberating. It is an experience to see yourself clearly through somebody else's eyes and be thoroughly challenged by them. Even if he was harsh in his use of words, he has uncovered a failing of mine (small or big) that I can do something about. Thats pretty cool!

Unknown said...

Will it be the best braai ever??

Lol....

James