I have spent a lot of time at home over the last eight weeks. As one would expect, there have been many benefits including; a finished half pipe, lots of surfing, community work, church work, and most importantly plenty of family time.
The whole reason that I left the corporate world was mainly as a result of the lack of time I got to spend with my family. My job kept me busy enough to ensure that 2 or 3 hours a week with my children was pushing the limits. I had known that this was a problem for a long time but a reasonable solution just seemed to be out of my grasp. In the end, I figured that it was better to earn a fraction of my then salary and rather invest time into my family. After all, I did commit to spend my life with my wife! I just don’t remember doing the same when I joined my old company. Somehow sans the long term commitment, that company consistently got the best parts of me for those 11 years. It just wasn’t right!
Yes, my family seemed to come in second, all the time. I think that I was one of the lucky ones in that my wife and children are still with me. And yes, there is a lot of love in our house! To think that I almost lost all of this for a FAT pay check.....
Money just doesn’t buy real love! But most of the world is hell bent on proving this statement wrong. Surely money is just too much fun to be given up for love???
If I look back over the last 8 weeks, I can clearly see that this time has helped me grow in a particular way. I have always been a tough, strict parent but now I have added silly to my repertoire!! Trust me, this is growth! My children love silly. Truth be told, I enjoy it too. That place where one can just let go of everything and just be funny face, laugh out loud from your gut, roll on the floor, tickle monster, silly.
My relationship with my children has gotten unimaginably better in the last couple of weeks. At long last, I am starting to feel like a real dad, and that my friends, is an incredibly liberating experience!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Longboarding - Old School Style
Life is certainly full of adventure...
A good mate of mine arranged a rather special surfing competition this past weekend. It was called the Freedom Day Legendary Longboard Surf Contest. Normally I would have ignored this event and steered well clear of the beach. Somehow my friends enthusiasm ensured that I together with another 125 entrants were committed to some old school surfing. It was to be the biggest surfing contest ever held on this side of the bay!
A good mate of mine arranged a rather special surfing competition this past weekend. It was called the Freedom Day Legendary Longboard Surf Contest. Normally I would have ignored this event and steered well clear of the beach. Somehow my friends enthusiasm ensured that I together with another 125 entrants were committed to some old school surfing. It was to be the biggest surfing contest ever held on this side of the bay!
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Saturday morning was very dark, cold, and rainy. A perfect time for the beach dressed in a pair of baggies. Yes and a beanie that I had grabbed at the last minute. My eclectic dress sense did nothing to dampen the enthusiasm of the volunteers as we got the beach ready for this legendary contest. The heavens remained wide open, which is not really a concern for surfers as one takes for granted the fact that you are going to get wet. The spectators surprised me with their awesome attitude and support. Weather aside, this was a happening event!
I surfed two heats in the mini mal division. A mini mal is a board longer than 7 foot and shorter than 9 foot with a large rounded nose. I had not the first clue about what I was supposed to be doing and so included a head stand and some switch foot jumps. My surfing was a cross between an old Michael Jackson thriller number and a dead cockroach. Understandably my scores were average to dismal and I was happy to bow out gracefully. Although the only thing graceful about my day would have been the curve of the board I borrowed as it lay calmly on the beach! I really had so much fun just surfing in my first ever competition. Making it out of the water without injuries to either the board or myself was a major win for me!
I took Luke down to the beach on Sunday morning after church. My theory was that the semi finals and finals would showcase some really great surfing. Some nut told me hurry up and get in the water. Obviously I ignored him; one does not swim in ones clothes. My mate’s wife looked shocked to see me dressed completely inappropriately for the next semi final. Surprised would be an understatement to describe my state of mind. A wetsuit was pulled out of somewhere and a board thrust into my hand and I was soon paddling around on some dismal waves. My surfing was not the kind of inspirational surfing I was hoping for Luke to see. But I had fun and left the sea with a big smile on my face! Not bad for an accidental surf!
We did see the current SA longboard champ and all of the Bings, dad and son and daughter (Deon Bing is the regular surf reporter on our local Cape radio station). They cleaned up!! Their surfing was out of this world and all of them looked like they were having a leisurely stroll on a short carpet! Luke and I are thoroughly inspired for next year!
It was great fun to interact with our local surfing community in such a different way. I think this competition may have changed the way we all surf at Strand. It is also fantastic to see a good mate come up with a far out idea and deliver it in such a successful way! Way to go Bro!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Time
Time is definitely not linear.
My sprained ankle is taking forever to heal, yet only 2 days have done by. I dream of getting back on my skateboard and conquering my ramp fears, I am desperate to strap on my shoes and go for a run, and of course I want to spend hours surfing. Actually, surf I will, sprained ankle or not! Unfortunately there is a heap of time between me and getting physical. If I follow my own advice, I really need to make the most of all of that time. Instead of skating and running, perhaps it is time for some battleships and board games with my children. Perhaps I should cook dinner more often and perhaps I should just enjoy this time of moving very slowly.
Getting our new business up and running is also taking its sweet time. We were very lucky to have 8 months of projects dumped in our laps. Now it is time for the hard yards. Ferreting out business in a time when business is hard to come by. The silver lining is that there are plenty of learnings for us as management consultants in building up our own business. Trust me, there is work out there, the challenge is to get a piece of that work. And we shall! In time....
One of the things that we are trying, is tendering for work. The interesting thing about the tender process is that one can pick and choose the type of work that you would like to try and get. My partner and I have made a conscious decision to try and get work that is meaningful, i.e. something that adds real value to people. As such, some of our tenders have been linked to poverty alleviation, SADC organisation, and traffic management. If we are privileged enough to be awarded a tender, we hope to add more value than expected because of our belief in the outcome and not just the compensation. Time will tell....
The half pipe is a lesson in how time is compressed. From dropping in at the top, to losing control of my skateboard, to landing skew on my foot with all my momentum joining the forces of gravity, to crashing into the bottom of the ramp, to breaking my fall with my wrist, to rolling over and standing up, to knowing with certainty that weeks of time stretched ahead to replay this incident in my head, to the first intense firing of synapses in my ankle, was absolutely instantaneous! Yet I know that once I master the drop in, I will have time to reposition my feet on my board, think about the state of the economy, yawn, check the time, and phone my stockbroker, before passing the point of that crash. Anyone that has gone through a traumatic event will also testify to this fact, time slows down.
My ankle will heal, I will master the ramp, my business will grow, this I know! To wish away this time while all of that happens would be such a waste. Instead I am going to enjoy making it all happen in its own time!
My sprained ankle is taking forever to heal, yet only 2 days have done by. I dream of getting back on my skateboard and conquering my ramp fears, I am desperate to strap on my shoes and go for a run, and of course I want to spend hours surfing. Actually, surf I will, sprained ankle or not! Unfortunately there is a heap of time between me and getting physical. If I follow my own advice, I really need to make the most of all of that time. Instead of skating and running, perhaps it is time for some battleships and board games with my children. Perhaps I should cook dinner more often and perhaps I should just enjoy this time of moving very slowly.
Getting our new business up and running is also taking its sweet time. We were very lucky to have 8 months of projects dumped in our laps. Now it is time for the hard yards. Ferreting out business in a time when business is hard to come by. The silver lining is that there are plenty of learnings for us as management consultants in building up our own business. Trust me, there is work out there, the challenge is to get a piece of that work. And we shall! In time....
One of the things that we are trying, is tendering for work. The interesting thing about the tender process is that one can pick and choose the type of work that you would like to try and get. My partner and I have made a conscious decision to try and get work that is meaningful, i.e. something that adds real value to people. As such, some of our tenders have been linked to poverty alleviation, SADC organisation, and traffic management. If we are privileged enough to be awarded a tender, we hope to add more value than expected because of our belief in the outcome and not just the compensation. Time will tell....
The half pipe is a lesson in how time is compressed. From dropping in at the top, to losing control of my skateboard, to landing skew on my foot with all my momentum joining the forces of gravity, to crashing into the bottom of the ramp, to breaking my fall with my wrist, to rolling over and standing up, to knowing with certainty that weeks of time stretched ahead to replay this incident in my head, to the first intense firing of synapses in my ankle, was absolutely instantaneous! Yet I know that once I master the drop in, I will have time to reposition my feet on my board, think about the state of the economy, yawn, check the time, and phone my stockbroker, before passing the point of that crash. Anyone that has gone through a traumatic event will also testify to this fact, time slows down.
My ankle will heal, I will master the ramp, my business will grow, this I know! To wish away this time while all of that happens would be such a waste. Instead I am going to enjoy making it all happen in its own time!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
My BIG News
Breaking news!!!
I designed a little thing that would help me drop into my half pipe from lower down the ramp. That just aint the big news. The big news is that an hour later after getting used to free falling on wheels, I dropped in not once but three times!!!!!!
Yeha!! I knew I could beat that scary monster.
This morning, I dropped in and twisted my ankle, Doh!!! Still 3 to me 1 to the ramp.....
I went to vote to make me feel better. There was a shortish queue and plenty of our mates from round about. This is going to be an interesting one to watch.....
I then spent the day dreaming about beating the half pipe. I cannot believe I am going to have to wait a bit before I attack again. Will keep you posted.
I designed a little thing that would help me drop into my half pipe from lower down the ramp. That just aint the big news. The big news is that an hour later after getting used to free falling on wheels, I dropped in not once but three times!!!!!!
Yeha!! I knew I could beat that scary monster.
This morning, I dropped in and twisted my ankle, Doh!!! Still 3 to me 1 to the ramp.....
I went to vote to make me feel better. There was a shortish queue and plenty of our mates from round about. This is going to be an interesting one to watch.....
I then spent the day dreaming about beating the half pipe. I cannot believe I am going to have to wait a bit before I attack again. Will keep you posted.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Arrogence
I don’t know if you have given the concept of arrogance much thought. Personally this is something that I intensely dislike in others. For some or other reason, it really gets my back up.
I came up with the following concepts of arrogance, by no means a comprehensive or correct list of properties. It is that self important inflated sense of self. The self assured attitude that one is right and that nobody else’s view point really matters. The treating of other people as it they are insignificant. It is pride. That sense of superiority, where one knows that one is important. That love of self above all else.
A couple of weeks back, I found out to my horror that a good friend considered me to be arrogant. What? Me? Never! I have spent the last couple of weeks trying to work through the fact that I possibly could be arrogant. All I can say is that this was some honest feedback that was incredibly difficult to take. The mirror has been held up to my own personality and I find myself rather lacking. It is quite amazing how disappointed I feel in myself.
Thomas Moore writes about the shadow sides of our personality. If I remember correctly, those traits that we most dislike in others are the very same traits that we most fear within ourselves. And for me, this makes a great deal of sense!
So what to do now?
With a bit of help and support, I can try and reduce this blind spot in my psyche. One would have thought that with all of the work I have done on myself this year, I would already be a far better person. Perhaps I am, but then again blind spots are those things that we just cannot see within ourselves. This particular blight has probably cost me an incredible friendship. I hope and pray not. Then again I know how I cannot stand this trait in others, so I can understand how others may feel the same about me. It is all rather sad!
This has been a humbling experience, but I hope that I have found a new awareness of self that will help me in all my relationships in life. I am also going to stumble along the way but I am counting on you guys to gently push me back!
I came up with the following concepts of arrogance, by no means a comprehensive or correct list of properties. It is that self important inflated sense of self. The self assured attitude that one is right and that nobody else’s view point really matters. The treating of other people as it they are insignificant. It is pride. That sense of superiority, where one knows that one is important. That love of self above all else.
A couple of weeks back, I found out to my horror that a good friend considered me to be arrogant. What? Me? Never! I have spent the last couple of weeks trying to work through the fact that I possibly could be arrogant. All I can say is that this was some honest feedback that was incredibly difficult to take. The mirror has been held up to my own personality and I find myself rather lacking. It is quite amazing how disappointed I feel in myself.
Thomas Moore writes about the shadow sides of our personality. If I remember correctly, those traits that we most dislike in others are the very same traits that we most fear within ourselves. And for me, this makes a great deal of sense!
So what to do now?
With a bit of help and support, I can try and reduce this blind spot in my psyche. One would have thought that with all of the work I have done on myself this year, I would already be a far better person. Perhaps I am, but then again blind spots are those things that we just cannot see within ourselves. This particular blight has probably cost me an incredible friendship. I hope and pray not. Then again I know how I cannot stand this trait in others, so I can understand how others may feel the same about me. It is all rather sad!
This has been a humbling experience, but I hope that I have found a new awareness of self that will help me in all my relationships in life. I am also going to stumble along the way but I am counting on you guys to gently push me back!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Surfing SA Grommets
We spent Easter in the most unusual of places; at a surfing beach in Port Elizabeth watching my oldest represent Boland at the SA Grommet Games. Not quite what Easter is all about!
Competing at provincial level at the age of seven has to be daunting. Unfortunately Luke caught some or other virus the day before the competition and was incredibly sick. Looking at him huddled in a ball with an incredible fever making him shake uncontrollably, I wondered if the surfing would go on. As the day wore on, he started to recover but unfortunately the virus had left together with his self confidence!
The next blow for him was that he had to leave the comfort of his family and join the team for the next four days. That’s pretty long to remain involved as a seven year old! He was also the youngest member of this team which included another 15 girls and boys up to the age of 15. Even though we would be on hand the whole time, it was rather difficult to hand over our precious son into the care of somebody we did not know.
On the beach, Luke developed an unexplained fear of the waves in the sea, claiming that they were all too big for him. This is a little problematic when the reason you are looking at those waves is because you are expected to ride them! He refused to practise and kept to himself which is most unusual. He was resolute despite much discussion. There was no doubt that this surf break was very different to the beach back home, with bigger, more powerful waves. For Luke, catching waves was out!
I was incredibly annoyed. This trip had cost an absolute fortune and he seemed to be throwing it away. Negotiation did not get us anywhere and so my wife and I looked a little deeper. It turned out that he had not eaten breakfast (or even dinner the night before), he was sharing a double bed with two other youngsters (and so he had not really slept), he had gone to bed after 22h00 (3 hours later than normal), and he still did not feel well. He was in a terrible state. Luckily he did not have to surf that day. That evening, Donna took control and ensured that all the young kids got food and went to bed early and we hoped for the best.
Instead one of the kids took the duvet and slept on the floor leaving the other two to try and sleep in the cold. There was no breakfast again and so we met a rather dejected Luke on the beach. He had an abysmal first round heat, catching a few poor waves and he left the sea in tears. Our realisation was that this trip would probably rob Luke of his love for surfing if things continued as they were.
It was a difficult situation. On the one hand, Luke was there to represent his province. On the other, he was a shattered little boy. My wife and I decided that his welfare was more important than any medal and that his enjoyment of the event would be first prize. We kidnapped our own son from the team, took him out for his favourite dinner, got him to bed early (in his own bed), gave him his favourite breakfast, and just pandered to his emotional needs. We agreed that regardless of the result of the next round, a win would involve him walking out of the sea with a smile on his face.
I joined him in the sea during his heat and was able to talk him through his 20 minutes of being on show. His surfing was far better than the last round and he walked out smiling. Oh joy! The result was announced a bit later and he had come second, enough to get him into the finals. The change in this child was unbelievable! On the last day he got in the water for the finals and gave of his best. He caught some great waves and took a third place. Most importantly he loved surfing the final. My son was back!
Packing the family into the car and bidding PE farewell made me a very happy man. It had been a difficult four days for our family. Most importantly we left with our sons self confidence intact and an understanding that unconditional love for your children is far more important than their results.
Clearly there is also nobody else who can look after your children the way you can! Perhaps that is why they have been entrusted to our care!
Competing at provincial level at the age of seven has to be daunting. Unfortunately Luke caught some or other virus the day before the competition and was incredibly sick. Looking at him huddled in a ball with an incredible fever making him shake uncontrollably, I wondered if the surfing would go on. As the day wore on, he started to recover but unfortunately the virus had left together with his self confidence!
The next blow for him was that he had to leave the comfort of his family and join the team for the next four days. That’s pretty long to remain involved as a seven year old! He was also the youngest member of this team which included another 15 girls and boys up to the age of 15. Even though we would be on hand the whole time, it was rather difficult to hand over our precious son into the care of somebody we did not know.
On the beach, Luke developed an unexplained fear of the waves in the sea, claiming that they were all too big for him. This is a little problematic when the reason you are looking at those waves is because you are expected to ride them! He refused to practise and kept to himself which is most unusual. He was resolute despite much discussion. There was no doubt that this surf break was very different to the beach back home, with bigger, more powerful waves. For Luke, catching waves was out!
I was incredibly annoyed. This trip had cost an absolute fortune and he seemed to be throwing it away. Negotiation did not get us anywhere and so my wife and I looked a little deeper. It turned out that he had not eaten breakfast (or even dinner the night before), he was sharing a double bed with two other youngsters (and so he had not really slept), he had gone to bed after 22h00 (3 hours later than normal), and he still did not feel well. He was in a terrible state. Luckily he did not have to surf that day. That evening, Donna took control and ensured that all the young kids got food and went to bed early and we hoped for the best.
Instead one of the kids took the duvet and slept on the floor leaving the other two to try and sleep in the cold. There was no breakfast again and so we met a rather dejected Luke on the beach. He had an abysmal first round heat, catching a few poor waves and he left the sea in tears. Our realisation was that this trip would probably rob Luke of his love for surfing if things continued as they were.
It was a difficult situation. On the one hand, Luke was there to represent his province. On the other, he was a shattered little boy. My wife and I decided that his welfare was more important than any medal and that his enjoyment of the event would be first prize. We kidnapped our own son from the team, took him out for his favourite dinner, got him to bed early (in his own bed), gave him his favourite breakfast, and just pandered to his emotional needs. We agreed that regardless of the result of the next round, a win would involve him walking out of the sea with a smile on his face.
I joined him in the sea during his heat and was able to talk him through his 20 minutes of being on show. His surfing was far better than the last round and he walked out smiling. Oh joy! The result was announced a bit later and he had come second, enough to get him into the finals. The change in this child was unbelievable! On the last day he got in the water for the finals and gave of his best. He caught some great waves and took a third place. Most importantly he loved surfing the final. My son was back!
Packing the family into the car and bidding PE farewell made me a very happy man. It had been a difficult four days for our family. Most importantly we left with our sons self confidence intact and an understanding that unconditional love for your children is far more important than their results.
Clearly there is also nobody else who can look after your children the way you can! Perhaps that is why they have been entrusted to our care!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Not Yet Back
I have not blogged in 2 weeks and I apologise for that. So much on the go that it sometimes frightens me. And I dont even have a regular 9 to 5 job....
I will shortly blog about my sons surfing competition. 5 days of surfing at the age of 7. It has been wonderful and absolutley terrible. We have learnt a lot about our family and how far we are willing to go with the flow, and I think we have grown closer together as a result.
I do want to share the essence of a short sermon I heard on Friday when I attended a Good Friday mass here in Port Elizabeth. Essentially the priest talked about Jesus on the cross saying 'It is finished!'. Then he died. The priest's question to me (and everyone else) was if I was to die now, could I honestly first say "it is finished?'
Deep, difficult, and thought provoking! I am not finished! I realised that there are things I need to focus on; my book, even more of my family, lots less of me!
Have a blessed and happy Easter!
I will shortly blog about my sons surfing competition. 5 days of surfing at the age of 7. It has been wonderful and absolutley terrible. We have learnt a lot about our family and how far we are willing to go with the flow, and I think we have grown closer together as a result.
I do want to share the essence of a short sermon I heard on Friday when I attended a Good Friday mass here in Port Elizabeth. Essentially the priest talked about Jesus on the cross saying 'It is finished!'. Then he died. The priest's question to me (and everyone else) was if I was to die now, could I honestly first say "it is finished?'
Deep, difficult, and thought provoking! I am not finished! I realised that there are things I need to focus on; my book, even more of my family, lots less of me!
Have a blessed and happy Easter!
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