Freedom

My year has been absolutely mind blowingly awesome. Everyone should have a year just like it. The highlight has been the complete freedom to choose my direction, absolutely any direction. And so I have followed my fancy and explored all sorts of possibilities.

The freedom to choose is an incredible gift. For me, an anti establishment, go my own way kind of guy, it has been a journey filled with joy. There is no doubt, it is an ideal worth fighting for!

Yesterday I dusted off my goals. Yes, those clever things that I set over a year ago. I was rather disappointed to see that even though they have been top of mind, I can tick off very few as being complete.

Have I failed?

After much thought, I believe that stamping my year as a failure would be a rather narrow view. Sure I did not meet most of my goals, but I had a rare opportunity to exercise my own freedom. Perhaps the fact that I did not meet my goals means that I really used my freedom. Hmmm, perhaps that should have been my only goal this past year!

I have spent the last couple of months in a state of mental confusion. A not too unfamiliar territory for me! Having too much time to think is possibly just as bad as not having enough. My mental oscillation has revolved around having had the best year of my life, not meeting my goals, and having no idea about my future. The latter part has been my biggest concern as I am pretty anal about having a plan. Clearly following one’s fancy is opposed to a focus on a predetermined path. I know that now, but that knowledge a little while ago would have saved plenty of mental frustration.

The complete freedom to go where I wanted at any time has been fantastic. Yet, in the back of my mind this ugly thought about sustainability kept trying to percolate through all of the salt water that seems to have seeped in there from the surfing. For all of the freedom that I have gained, I have lost my focus in life! I have absolutely no idea about what to do with myself and now find it incredibly difficult to commit to anything lest it get in the way of my being able to choose something else. Now there is an interesting problem – have the freedom to choose but don’t choose because the choice itself destroys the freedom to choose something else!!!

It is time for me to think clearly and commit myself to my future. Now that I understand the source of my frustration, I think I can move on!

As for all the freedom I will lose, perhaps too much of any good thing is problematic! If you find yourself trapped and dying for freedom, take it from me, absolute freedom is a trap in itself. You and I both need to find the freedom that exists within the choices we make.