Lately, the subject of divorce has been the topic of a number of discussions. I am no proponent of divorce and so discussions about divorce have always been rather short. It would seem that divorce has become the norm. I am now genuinely amazed to meet people who have been married for many years.
As a Catholic, I have no divorce escape hatch in my marriage. When Donna and I got married, we agreed it would never be an option. As a result, any argument we have is couched in the knowledge that there is no walking away. It does not mean we do not disagree about things, it does mean we both end up compromising. I can only hope and pray the love we share is sufficient to ride the swells of the rest of our lives together.
I have a friend going through one of the saddest ordeals ever. A brain damaged wife intent on absolutely destroying him. She wants lots of money to support her new free lifestyle sans children, which is a little difficult because he has nothing left to give. Her game is to go to incredible extremes in order to render his life as miserable as possible. Luckily he has only been arrested once this month for a charge she fabricated. The tragedy is that their three young daughters have become the collateral damage in the exacting of her revenge.
Somebody else I know has taken her children, packed what they could carry, and fled to Europe. Extreme measures to escape a new ex husband! She now waits tables, lives in a one room apartment, and is in a far better situation than having to deal with trumped up fraud charges, and his vindictive behaviour. One can only imagine how terrible life must have been for one to resort to fleeing the country...
I understand that these people are not the only ones. There are many more out there whose spouses are out for annihilation of their ex significant others. Now I can feel for an aggrieved spouse, it must be soul destroying. To have gambled the rest of your life on someone, only to have them fail you, must be more than extremely difficult. To have to start one’s life again when least expected, cannot be for the faint hearted. I fail to understand why a separation and new beginning is not sufficient, and where it becomes life consuming to bring this person you once loved to their knees.
I recently wrote about marriage and how it is a sacrifice of one’s life for another. Children change that dynamic again. Life is then supposed to be sacrificed for them, their well being trumping all else. A parent gets to fill these impressionable lives with love, joy, and valuable lessons on how to grow into adults of worth.
Divorce in many instances is as a result of my needs being more important than my spouse or children. Right or wrong, the impact on children is devastating. I am no expert but have seen more than enough children shattered by the dynamics of the two family life.
I am forced to admit that there is no magic answer to the conundrum. Every situation is different. I do feel that life needs to be less about me, myself, and I; and more about those around us. If we could live for the good of others, perhaps our own selfish needs would not continue to rip apart the soul of society.
1 comment:
I've been married for 12 years and in that time I've been through many, many ups and downs. Don't give up. As long as the love you have for one another runs and stays strong, you can over-come most things.
However, if we ONLY live "for the good of others" I feel we are setting yourself up for failure!
At some point you need to take your own needs into consideration too. I do not feel this is selfish, as we are all here to be happy and if you're not happy, you will resent the people around you and have regrets.
Just doing good for other isn't always enough.
I believe the key is to have a balanced life. Oh its not easy to balance a husband, children, work, the household, family and friends. But compromise assists with this and everyone needs to be #1 on the list at some point.
Just play nice and take turns.
Simple as that.
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