Go Slow

No time to think! Days are spent in a frenzy of activity. Mondays morph into Fridays without respite. Weeks fly by, hardly acknowledged as being different to the ones that preceded them.

My children have sprinkled fairy dust on themselves, growing them like weeds in the night, completely unnoticed by myself. Both were caught out on a Judo scale, each a tenth heavier than just a couple of weeks ago. A perusal of old photographs clearly highlights their slow march to manhood. Even working from home I missed it all. Just too busy!

Then came yesterday, a day as long as my legs. Hours of tedious attention to detail work that sapped my brain of its joy. Bed again a welcome refuge from the demands of my little world. Has my little world grown too big, too demanding, and too out of control? Could this be true given how much I like my world, the freedom, the daily unpredictability, and the value I think I add to other people’s worlds?

No my world is not the problem, but perhaps the speed with which it spins. I think of Atlas with the world balanced on his shoulders and wonder if he would hear my plea. Just a little slower, old man! I know the control is within my grasp. Old Atlas is a myth, I can make it all stop.

Do I want to stop? Perhaps this nascent drive for action and results is a rush in itself. Without it, I may be lost and adrift in a sea of meaninglessness. Perhaps a pause is the better option, a meaningful combination of pace and delivery against nurturing time out for my own well being.

Even this writing has bled some of the frustration from my fingertips, washing my keyboard clean of its fear of touch. Such a short time spent within, and yet so remarkable a feeling of calm and acceptance. My drug of choice is not the pace of delivery but rather the short periods of introspection that give rise to a deepening of will, which feed every part of my life.

And a smile tugs at my lips.