If you are a parent and would like to take a tortuous ride through the eyes of another parent (sounds like fun), read ‘Beautiful Boy’ by David Sheff. It is his account of his son’s experimentation and addiction to drugs, and their descent into hell! To make matters worse, Nic’s drug of choice was Chrystal Meth, a terribly addictive and highly damaging drug. I imagine that in South Africa, we know the drug as TIK, a massive problem in the Western Cape.
The book is a tough read, as one follows the emotional journey of David, as he tries vainly to save his son. At every turn, he is beaten by the allure of drugs. Every single shred of hope that he feels, as he continually lowers his expectations is thoroughly shattered and replaced with tougher problems and more uncertainty. He eventually realises a couple of key things; Nic is responsible for the decisions he makes, even though he is under the spell of these substances; and that as a parent, David’s happiness is not dependent on the happiness of his son. The other thing is that a parents love is absolutely boundless and that no matter what, he will be there for his son regardless of the certainty that Nic would regress again. I could not help having heaps of respect!
I have two sons and for me this book was a powerful and disturbing read. Essentially I know that I have no control over the friends that my children will make or the influence these friends will have over my children, for good or bad. I think back to my youth when what my parents thought was irrelevant to me. Now I know better, but then, I ruled my world! In years to come, my children will probably also find my views and opinions to be meaningless. That scares me heaps!
There are some things that I can do. I can spend as much time with my children as possible, developing a meaningful father son relationship, and openly talking about the issues of life. Hopefully this will ensure that they have a set of values and morals that will enable them to make better choices in life. I can also live my life in a way that provides a great example to them, the do as I do approach. Lastly, I can ensure that they develop a relationship with a mentor, somebody we all admire and trust, to whom they can turn when they feel they cannot talk to their parents. In the end, nothing I do as a parent is going to guarantee that their decisions are good or bad. I can however ensure that I am the best possible parent to my boys and hence give them the best possible chance of creating their own version of success in this life. After that, they will need to choose!
I have realised that my hopes for my sons are simply that they find happiness in life and that they become forces for good in this world, no matter what form that may take.
Our journey has begun. I am firmly strapped in, optimistic rather than ready for the ride of my life!
2 comments:
It must be a very dark downward spiral for parents watching their children's drug addiction. I couldn't imagine the pain...gosh we have so much to shield our children from these days. Its scarey.
To be honest, I'm more than a little scared to read a book like that...
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