Busy, busy, busy

I took last week off. Yes, a whole week of rest and relaxation together with me, myself and I.

Instead I found myself engrossed in all sorts of things, from photographing a wine tasting to detailed financial modelling of my business. There were also plenty of meetings and action items that required attention. None of which brings in an income and hence none of which can be considered work. I have now relabelled my week as admin week as it certainly did not resemble leave! One can do these things when it is your own business!!

Admin week kept me so busy that I did not even get to blog. To remedy this terrible situation, I thought I would take this week off, but unfortunately it has now been filled up with more stuff.

One of the things I will be doing this week is a talk to a number of post school students who are unsure about their futures. For some reason I have been invited to talk on entrepreneurship. I personally am not sure that I resemble an entrepreneur but I do have a heap of ideas and am willing to share. I actually have an incredibly fun session planned as the very topic gives me freedom to go mad. At the very least, a chocolate cake and a DVD of Braveheart will be making an appearance!

Then there a possible two days of work on a short project as a new potential client looks to evaluate my abilities. That should also be fun, as there is nothing quite like pitting one’s mind against a complex problem in order to come up with a solution in a short space of time.

I also have a photo shoot planned with our char and her family. A fun run on the weekend should prove, well fun. Then Luke has more surfing trials for which I need to get involved as his caddy! And then there is a desire to learn some elementary Portuguese in preparation for a trip I have coming up. If I am really good, I will also include a whole lot of surfing, more exciting admin, and perhaps some more work.

This ‘busy’ stuff of mine keeps me busy for all of the right reasons. Yet, very little of it includes time with my family. A lesson I keep having to relearn is that it is more important for me to be a brilliant dad than brilliant in the eyes of everyone else.

I hate letting people down, so if I am to be successful at this dad thing, then I have to do just that or ensure that people’s expectations are well managed. I could of course just say no, but that is not a word I like to use too often...

Insight from an 11 year old

Last night was Judo night again and I was not looking forward to it. My body is still recovering from last weeks exercise festival. I am sure me bod requires a bit of rest, but I find resting more than a little difficult.

Thankfully I had a meeting at the same time as Judo and arrived at the end of the session. Sensei still got me involved in the last few exercises even though I was in my normal clothes. After the session, a boy of about 11 came up to me. He said, and I quote, ’It is really cool that you do Judo with your sons’. I said something completely inappropriate like I wish you would tell my sons the same thing.

He ignored that and went on to say, “my dad is too busy!”

Ouch!

I have certainly wondered over the last almost two years about whether I have done the right thing to embark on this path of finding a better way. If ever there was a sign post along the way saying keep on going, this kid was certainly it! I am not sure that my boys have the same level of appreciation as expressed by this child, but then again the value is in being there not in my boy’s knowledge that I am there.

This child, less than a third of my age, made me feel exhilarated and horribly sad. My boys get the benefit of a full time dad but what about all of those other boys just longing for time and attention in their lives. How do I make a difference in their lives? How do I make them feel special too? How do I get men to realise that the business of making money is but a single element of all that life has to offer? How do I get men to realise that depth is measured by love and not wallet size?

Funny that a comment made by a young kid can be so insightful and mean so much to me!

I had an interesting insight.

One of the reasons that I resigned was to spend more time with my children. Looking at my new life with a pair of critical eyes, I discovered that I was not spending all that more quality time with my kids. That did not make sense to me at all. Here I was doing what I wanted to do, which should have included plenty of quality time with my boys and yet it was not happening.

Instead I have filled my time with great activities, all of which I want to do. Hmmm, and there is still not enough time to do everything! Like the all important time that I need and want to spend with the boys!

So you see it does not matter how much time you have, fatherhood or parenthood is still a choice that one has to make. Children need as much time as possible and more. As a parent, it is our role to sacrifice ourselves in order to provide that time. Time we would dearly love to spend on the things we want to do.

When I was working as hard and time intensively as I was, I needed to get very creative on how I fitted children time into my life. Every spare light moment was spent with them in the garden playing sport and the dark moments playing games inside. Now I see them all of the time and there is no longer that desperate need to fill my time with their best interests. Instead I am always available, which is rather a different thing. I watch them play sport at school, I eat all meals with them, and I attend their functions and parties. I am there, but I am not really interacting on the level that I would like. A level at which they have a dad who is active in their lives and who is their biggest and greatest role model and supporter.

I suppose that I have to constantly re-evaluate my choices and make sure that they are helping me achieve the end points I want. Not only my fatherhood choices but all the others as well. When critical evaluation tells me that I am off track, it is time to check out those choices again, and again!

Fatherhood is a choice. Children need as much time as possible with their dad. I want to be that dad! Time for some adjustments to make it happen.