Fathers and sons

Saturday found my mom, Luke and I hiking in the mountains near our home. We chatted along the way and Luke surprised me with some of his technical knowledge about the weathering of rocks. Something that we had discussed almost two years previously on another adventure. I was amazed that he had taken that information in and that it had stuck.

On our way down the mountain, Luke kept slipping on the loose stones. His slip sliding approach was mainly as a result of his inexperience, choosing the wrong places to step, moving his weight at the wrong times, etc.

My first instinct was to explain all of these technical details to him, so that he could immediately get it right. And then an epiphany struck! I keep trying to pass on my life’s experience, knowledge, and wisdom to my children and expect them to take it all in and be perfect from then on. Strangely, it just does not work that way. Besides the fact that I am not perfect either!

I got to thinking about my role as a father. Surely it is not for me to be the perfect know it all, but rather the gentle guide. I imagine that there is time for both roles, but my focus should be on the latter. Unfortunately, in my bid to give as much as possible to my children, I have spent far too much as the information dispenser. I certainly did not learn everything from my parents. Much of my learning has been from experience, surely I need to provide those opportunities to my children and let them learn in a safe environment. Surely they don’t need to hear me droning on all of the time...

So Luke and I took a winter swim in an icy mountain pool, well beyond chilly, but far more important than another information sharing session!

I have well managed to coincide the dearth of my own writing with school holidays. This would not be as important if I did not have any children, but I do. The last couple of days have been spent swimming in their holiday lives. We have done so many things and it has been wonderful.

Being a bit of a book worm in my past, I have often read of people (fictional and non fictional) quoting their dads and moms. These people seem to have passed on real wisdom to their children which they have kept and applied to their lives, and then passed on to their kids and so on. I have often wondered how I would ever do the same as I would like my children to have the benefit of some of my own learned wisdom.

I have come to realise that the only way this happens is for one to be immersed in their lives. Then opportunities for this passing on of wisdom (can I call anything I spout be called wisdom?) abound. There can be no doubt that children are these proverbial sponges and they sure soak this stuff up. I have found it immensely rewarding to see some of my teaching in action. ‘Look daddy, that guy is swimming the wrong way in that current’ and ‘dad, you can let my brother do it as he has not had a turn’.

Ahhh, and then for the rest of the time there are some serious battles to resolve!

I had another very interesting discussion yesterday with a colleague in East London. You may be thinking that I get around – I do! To both of our amazement, we discovered that we hold some similar common interests. What a wonderful surprise when you break through those working facades and discover the valuable individual lurking below. I had numerous other conversations throughout yesterday and today and one thing that they all confirmed is that there is a groundswell of people who are not fulfilled and are looking for more in life. To all those of you out there that have started to break through the tethers of your current life, I say go for it! It is rather pointless to be bitterly unhappy and expect that things will get better. You have probably heard it said, if you do the same things, expect the same results!

Interestingly enough I left the meeting with the colleague above and he said “nice meeting you!” What an irony that you can work with someone for years and yet get to know more about them in a just a couple of minutes when you add in a little bit of effort. So take the gap and go and get to know somebody a little better today!

I am wondering why all of this deep conversation is happening. Am I more receptive to this kind of talk? Had I ignored this completely in past? Was I plain ignorant and did I repel people? Or has this major move that I have started to make in my life given people the gap that they needed to have an open and honest conversation about how they really feel with me. Perhaps I am exuding a whole different kind of secret energy and this is attracting a whole lot of other energy to me? I don’t know the answer and I have no doubt that I can speculate all day – I am just privileged to have had these conversations as I believe that they are all gifts. I have heard so many opinions and positivity from so many people that I have this urge to go and buy a Dictaphone so that I do not lose anything. I also wonder if these conversations will continue once I leave the working world and if I will be able to find this richness elsewhere. Either way right now, to quote one of my mates, I am far richer in wisdom than I could ever afford to be!!!!