The Gentle Way

I like the idea of my children doing Judo except for the part when they actually do it!

In my short career as a parent, there is nothing that has had me as anxious as sending my son into a Judo fight. Move aside super high jungle gyms, playing in a busy street, skating half pipes, and even school homework. Judo is war, boy on boy, or girl on girl, each battling for the tiniest advantage. Opportunities get seized by the quickest thinkers, who then unleash a violent throw and shatter the other poor kid’s dreams.

This week is the week of the South African Judo nationals. The Nationals are big with at least 1,000 spectators crammed into the stands. Intimidating, tough, and up to each competitor to decide how far he or she is willing to push.

Luke put in an incredible effort on Monday, taking a bronze medal in his weight class. Not bad in a division containing 17 of the country's best competitors! Even his mother was heard to be screaming from the side!

This sport teaches kids so much; to fend for oneself, to think fast and execute, to rise above threatening situations, perseverance, discipline, and how to conquer fear. And then there are the physical benefits, the camaraderie, lessons in pain management, and learning to lose with honour.

This sport has incredible things to offer children. Watching my son walk out there on his own, made me realise just how much he has gained in a relatively short time. I cannot even describe the feelings that go through me as I stand on the side and watch him fend for himself. It has certainly helped me to start letting go of the belief that I can control everything in my children’s life. It was rather evident that all of this was way out of my control. My excitement for my child is not about the medal but more how he stood up to a tough challenge on his own, pointing the way forward for how he will deal with the tough life battles to come!

However, it remains incredibly difficult to watch your kid being thumped or even your kid thumping another's kid. I suppose this parental discomfort is worth all the benefits even if I watch with my eyes closed!



How long is long enough?

Five people we know have died over the last two weeks.

Sadly it was Swine flu for a school friend of Donna’s, a car accident for a church friend, cancer for another church friend, and two unknown old age issues. One of the old timers lived with his wife and three daughters in a shack. His new house was to be finished on Friday. He gave up on the Thursday, having lasted just long enough to see a better life for his family.

One cannot help but think a little...

The last two days had me in Durban presenting a customer service course to management of my old company. It was wonderfully nostalgic to catch up with old colleagues, listen to their stories, and immerse myself in their culture. A voyeur of sorts as to how my life could have been, had I stayed!

The woman who contracted me to deliver this piece of work spent those days with me. Last night over a wonderful lasagne our conversation went deep, religious, and surreal. Hidden treasures bubbled to the surface, a stark reminder of the soulfulness of each one of us. Her stories convinced me beyond doubt of the rightness of my path.

The airport lounge made for a chance meeting with a Judo comrade. We live a block apart on the other side of the country. We shared our corporate stories about the destruction of souls, values shattered on the ladder of success, and morals traded for flashy cars. Our lives  share many common threads, but our conversation was cut short by the pesky boarding of my plane.

Whilst winging my way home, I vacuumed up a gift from a clever neighbour called ‘The Last Lecture’. Knowing he only had four months to live, Randy Pausch wrote this book as a final gift of himself to his children. Randy weaves life lessons into his life stories, overshadowed by his imminent death. I blinked back tears as his candid wisdom struck home.

Two of those we knew had no time to prepare, one had as much time as Randy, and the last two souls had ages. I cannot help wondering if I am ready to go. Have I done what I was meant to do? Have I loved with all of my heart? Has my life been a celebration of God’s glory?

And if I have some time left, will I use it to make a difference or continue to live life with careless abandon?

Lamb and tumbleweed

A weekend of memories joyfully created on a farm in the Karoo.

Four families and a long weekend. Five hours fighting torrential rain storms to get there. A braai filled with meat and large appetites satiated.

Fathers and sons on a quad bike adventure. Fathers blindfolded and sons with directions. Survivor camp fire type competition, bread over the coals, and a corned beef hash for breakfast. Satisfied little tykes.

Time filled with idleness, children, and food. Matthew horse riding. A family hike to a Karoo waterfall. Kids on the shooting range with a .22 rifle. Shots even grouped.  The brutal power of a real hunting rifle and their danger displayed. Family game drives on quads. Another hike, Another family quad ride. Board games played and a roaring log fire. Bush TV in the boma. A lunar eclipse obscured by clouds. Long runs in the wild. Good time spent in laughter and fun. Unhurried. Bliss!

Family time to be remembered forever.

Laughing, skating, and dads

My street is a funny place. A place where laughs are shared with careless abandon, skateboards provide meaningful transport, and wine is drunk in groups at the side of the road! A strange and unusual place to live!

According to my calculations, our small stretch of road comprises 24 houses in which 27 children lay their heads at night. And there is at least one more on the way! This incredible piece of arithmetic genius excludes all of the bigger kids, the ones with real leather wallets and the coolest toys. To say there is plenty of action on our street would be putting things mildly. Always somebody to play with and some or other set of wheels to be ridden, kids paradise!

Friday night saw 5 dads on skateboards and multitudes of children enjoying the pleasures of well greased ball bearings on axels. Dads are fully involved in the play, including special moves like lie on the road as fast as possible from coasting on board, and lets test how hot these chillies really are! Luckily for the dads, cold beer provides welcome relief from our sillier antics and refreshes far better than Oros. Last night our impromptu gathering ended at the half pipe at my house. Strangely, the only injury being one big kid with a few new dents in his ankle.

I like the fact that as dads, we are involved in the play with our children. I like that they can see us trying to push ourselves, and having fun with each other. Most of our relationships with our children are serious and it is good to be able to get down to their level and just enjoy time spent doing silly things.

Three of the children belong to a new neighbour who just moved in. When he walked away from my house with three skateboards under his arms, only one of which was his sons, I knew he would be fitting right in!

A moments silence

Yesterday I spent the day flying to Johannesburg and back again. An exploratory meeting for a big project. I used to fly plenty, about four times a week for almost four years. Now SAA has reduced my Voyager status to their lowest tier. I cannot say I am disappointed. Then again I generally avoid flying our National carrier due to my last experience where they left me behind. Sometimes it cannot be avoided...

The pilot told all on board that we were to expect a 30 minute delay due to there not being enough landing slots at O R Tambo airport in Johannesburg. Fair enough, but then he went on to say that it was not SAA’s, fault. Hearing those words, I had a flashback to my children. Anything that goes wrong is never their fault either. A more juvenile and blame avoiding statement is yet to be invented. Obviously the pilot went on the ‘we are not here for you’ customer service training course. Accepting responsibility and apologising profusely is one way to turn a bad customer experience into a better one. But only if you are not SAA!

There was a particularly poignant moment on takeoff. Perhaps all passengers were stunned into personal reveries as a result of the delay announcement. It was absolutely silent aboard the aircraft, unusual in the extreme. The plane took off in that silence, supposedly everyone lost in their own thoughts of the day. The mood was shattered by the noisy sniffing of the lady in the seat to my right. Big juicy thick phlem type sniffing! She got out her tissue, wiped her nose, and gave the remaining obnoxious goo an almighty snort. Chunky!

Perhaps the silence was to mourn the death of customer service. Regardless it was fascinating to be a part of an unoganised silence in a crowded place. Please give me more of it!

In brief

Well after all of my Twitter nerves, not even a nibble from Uncle Bill. I feel all let down. Hopefully he will deliver soon...

Busy with a wonderful work project; analysis, modelling, and pictures. And no, not that kind of modelling and pictures! Work can never be exciting all of the time, but in those special times when it is, I operate in this great sense of flow. A feeling I relish. Everything becomes easy, parts of the puzzle just fall into place, and my laptop seems to have an irresistible allure. Long may this last.

Life is interesting on the whole right now. My community based projects clamouring for attention, amidst new work, the family, and a pressing need to get my unexercised body in shape for the Knysna half marathon in just 4 weeks. Time seems to have packed his bag for a holiday in somebody else’s house.

Gotta run, Bill may just have Tweeted me...