Kindly suck it up!

Ah Valentine’s Day, what fun it has been...


Romance tossed quickly aside as the prickly issue of parenthood reared its ugly head again. We spent the day in debate, trying to fathom the right way to deal with this issue. A decidedly funny issue, so long as it is not your child involved, otherwise just plain mean and nasty. Not two of my favourite words to describe my family!

This is big enough to teach him an important life lesson. A lesson that will stand him in good stead throughout his metamorphosis into a wonderful man! It means that we need to be clever parents; that we need to think deeply before we act. There are many books and movies that speak to way out events that have made fundamental differences in people’s lives. They are easy to read and watch but creating those events is a whole different story.

Obviously banning the usual stuff like parties, surfing, TV, and computers, or extra chores, or no pocket money, or, dare I say it, a hiding, are not going to have the impact we are seeking. They will make him feel bad for a bit, but will not alter the fundamental issue; other people have thoughts and feelings too.

Our soul searching led us to an idea that seemed to fit on many fronts. His punishment is to achieve ten random acts of kindness, and to write about it all in a diary. It seems a little intense for a 9 year old, but then again his thoughtful Valentines gesture was rather radical. We walk a fine line between associating kindness with punishment, but hope that the diary and our daily discussions will help him to see the light. We also hope that he will begin to understand that small gestures of kindness are highly appreciated and incredibly valuable as opposed to self centeredness.

These discussions have been energising in a sense, real parenting at work. More than that, they have opened a window of deep insight into my wife, an incredible privellage!

And with all of this kindness, we may just rediscover the true meaning of Valentine's Day!

Over the last couple of days, I have watched my oldest son play a whole heap of sport. At the tender age of six, although soon to be seven, he played three rugby matches and one hockey match in the last week. Two of these matches he played with seven stitches in his finger and the rest with the barely healed half chopped thumb in a bandage.

It has been interesting to observe him through the lens of a camera. As a youngster, I never had the benefit of the things that photographs reveal. You can see all sorts of things that will benefit his games. I watched this week as he scored his first hockey goal and then scored his first try. Both momentous occasions and incredible that he has managed to achieve them in the first games that he has played in his two new sports. I have included a couple of pictures so that you can see for yourself.

To me, I find his expressions interesting. This child who often cannot remember to button his school shirt is able to find an incredible determination and play with skill, power and raw courage. Buttons may be boring and not worth much thought, but a game is able to catalyse this child into ferocious activity. He plays with a passion and heart that invokes deep pride within me. Although I have no idea where this come from!

Within the grade ones at his school, there is not just my son but at least another eight or nine even more talented players at all of these new sports. The potential is unbelievable. I have no doubt that watching their games and progress is going to be fun indeed.

As a parent, I have this remarkable responsibility to guide my children into being incredible forces for good in this world. I have to encourage his more obvious talents and help him explore the depths of his being to find those that may well be hidden. My job may well be simpler as some of his talents seem to be so obvious. It has to far harder for other parents when these talents are hidden behind deep insecurities.

With all this talent amongst his mates, I wonder if all of these budding stars will be able to convert this raw talent into skill and wisdom? Will they find true guides in their parents to help them through the adversity that they must all face? Will they become inspirational role models for other children, parents and their peers as they live their lives or will they throw it all away in some wasteful manner?

I am still not sure how to be the best parent possible for my two children. I do know that I have to try and spend as much time as possible with them. I need to support them and love them unconditionally. I also need to teach them great humility at the same time as teaching them how to get the most from the talents that they have been blessed with. In the end I have to impart deep value systems that they embrace and use as their guides for their lives!

I have spent the week in awe of my son. I hope that I can find it within myself to be in awe of him even when he fails! And then help him find his way again.