The Gift of Children

I was thinking this morning about how blessed I am to have the children I do. Sure they often act up and act out, but they are all amazing individuals. I am most privileged to have been chosen to be their father. I hope and pray I can fulfil my part of the bargain and be the best possible father to each of them. To be there when they need me, and even when they don’t. To have the right advice for them in times of trouble. To share loads of laughs, adventures, sporting triumphs, and defeats. To hold their hands when they need comforting. To guide them wisely when they go astray. And most of all to love and appreciate them for who they are!

It struck me that all children should have parents who feel this way about them. That those children were equally blessed to have parents willing to sacrifice and serve, in order for them to grow up into better adults.

Even though I am the parent, my children definitely make me strive to be a better me. And that has to be good news for everyone!

It made me smile to think of other parents loving their children just as passionately as I love mine.

How wonderful if this was a blessing bestowed on every child, but sadly it just isn’t so!

Its all going down over here

This weekend was interesting.

We took a trip to Hermanus to introduce my mom and my in laws to the whales. Instead the only Wales we got to see were the ones the Springboks narrowly beat in their opening world cup rugby match. The drive was lovely through some majestic Cape scenery, reinforcing how privileged we are to live in such a place.

Then there was a dinner party that ended up being more of a party than dinner. Many new stories created that shall be rehashed at dinner parties for years to come...

Our idyllic street of which I have waxed lyrical so many times of late became the scene of two attempted murders and a killing. Now that you have gotten back into the chair you just fell off, it should be mentioned that all who live here are healthy and safe, but understandably traumatised. I will keep you in suspense on this one...

The men’s breakfast I MC’d was well attended and most enjoyable. There is something to be said for the camaraderie of men. Our guest speaker had a particularly poignant message for men, by all accounts, one of his pet topics.

His view on love is that it is a sacrifice. When one gets married, one sacrifices one’s life for one’s partner. Theoretically the partner does the same thing. In essence love wants nothing in return! If you are in a marriage where you are expecting to get something out, then you have the wrong idea. Those with children already well know how much of life is sacrificed to give ones offspring the best chances in life. Christianity too is also a sacrifice of our lives for Christ, the taking of the difficult road, the making of the hard choices, the keeping of high morals and values. The speakers challenge to men was to stand up and make a difference. To sacrifice our lives for the betterment of society which will mean tough decisions, and stands on issues others will ridicule.

One can imagine how much better marriage would work if we were in it for our partner alone. Looking after them and making their lives better in any way we could. Imagine how difficult that would be, and how rewarding. Imagine how our children would learn by our example.

Very simply, anything good in this world is going to be difficult and will start with each of us taking a stand and suffering the consequences.

Sacrifice

I am amazed at how time flies.


Donna and I have just celebrated 13 years of marriage. Isabella has turned one. We have been in Cape Town for 7 years. I have been on my own, business wise, for almost 3 years. Matthew starts big school in just over a month.

I think everyone understands on some level how fast things move, yet we don’t seem to notice it. Perhaps not until Christmas shopping time when everyone comments on how the year has flown by. The same sentence usually ends with the wishing away of time as they explain how much they are looking forward to taking a break.

Last night we attended Luke’s junior preparatory prize giving. It was very sweet and all of the children were recognised for their strengths. I realised just how little time I have left with my lovely little boy before he turns into a raging hormone. This clock is ticking and there is no turning it back!

If I really want to make a difference in his life; and for that matter a difference in the lives of anyone around me, I have to do it now!

What that means is that I need to sacrifice some of the things I want and like to do. That time and energy, I need to invest in him. Of course there is a good chance I could carry on the way we always have, and he would turn out just fine.


But what if that just is not enough?

I had an interesting insight.

One of the reasons that I resigned was to spend more time with my children. Looking at my new life with a pair of critical eyes, I discovered that I was not spending all that more quality time with my kids. That did not make sense to me at all. Here I was doing what I wanted to do, which should have included plenty of quality time with my boys and yet it was not happening.

Instead I have filled my time with great activities, all of which I want to do. Hmmm, and there is still not enough time to do everything! Like the all important time that I need and want to spend with the boys!

So you see it does not matter how much time you have, fatherhood or parenthood is still a choice that one has to make. Children need as much time as possible and more. As a parent, it is our role to sacrifice ourselves in order to provide that time. Time we would dearly love to spend on the things we want to do.

When I was working as hard and time intensively as I was, I needed to get very creative on how I fitted children time into my life. Every spare light moment was spent with them in the garden playing sport and the dark moments playing games inside. Now I see them all of the time and there is no longer that desperate need to fill my time with their best interests. Instead I am always available, which is rather a different thing. I watch them play sport at school, I eat all meals with them, and I attend their functions and parties. I am there, but I am not really interacting on the level that I would like. A level at which they have a dad who is active in their lives and who is their biggest and greatest role model and supporter.

I suppose that I have to constantly re-evaluate my choices and make sure that they are helping me achieve the end points I want. Not only my fatherhood choices but all the others as well. When critical evaluation tells me that I am off track, it is time to check out those choices again, and again!

Fatherhood is a choice. Children need as much time as possible with their dad. I want to be that dad! Time for some adjustments to make it happen.