Trying to do the right thing

Life is full of twists and turns, and I seem to have gotten struck somewhere around a bend...

In my business I hunt dragons on a regular basis, in order to bring in an income.  For those who don’t know, dragons in my world are metaphorical business problems requiring resolution. Sometimes I am the Knight who gets to solve problems for business and pick up a cheque for my efforts. The last few months have been tough, the dragons seem to have emigrated, leaving me with little income generating work.

Ironically, I have more irons in the fire than ever before, meaning the future is filled with possibilities. Although when these possibilities will mature is anyone’s guess.

With little to no distress calls, time has been plentiful. It is hard to look at a lack of business as a gift, but this is precisely what it has been. My challenge has been to use it wisely! Luckily a broken finger and the mending of a torn foot ligament have cut surfing out of the picture, which may have caused me to be rather wasteful of this gift. Instead my community projects seemed to come alive, sucking every spare minute I have had. I know the time is all well spent, but I have not been able to stop the internal mental debate.

Instead of ‘wasting’ my time on non income generating activities, I probably should have been doing something to grow my business. A little clever marketing would not have gone amiss. Any business person would have known this! Yet it seemed as if so many other good causes had needs so much greater than my petty business growth issues. Having been blessed with time, it would have been far more wasteful to have not used it on something good for others. Or so the debate in my head has raged...

 Doing the right thing for my fellow man has left me with a little gap to fill on the income side of my income statement. A concern one has to face up to at some time! It did cross my mind that my joyous journey had possibly come to an end. Perhaps it was time to consider a corporate job and shred the book I have recently and painfully completed. Or was it time to get a job in an organisation aimed at the upliftment of others? Something I could champion into the future, merging my skills and passions for good. Then again, if I can only hang in for a little bit longer, I might be able to create an organisation for good or find one of my many irons in the fire exploding into life!

One thing I have learnt is that these projects which pay nothing are the most rewarding I have ever attempted. They have also provided great lessons in humility and compassion, both of which do not pay the bills, but will certainly shape me into a better man.

It has been a tough period in life but one buoyed by the archaic idea that if I am doing the right thing, God will provide. And so he has, but perhaps not in the way I expected!

I read a book a little while ago that contained a beautiful definition of humility. As far as I can remember it defined it as the absence of the need to compare and compete. I thought that this was pretty neat!

I have tried to apply it in my own life with great difficulty. My only conclusion is that true humility is indeed rare to find. I like to compete; I like to be better than other people. If I am not better, I find some great excuse as to why I should be better. I like win even more than I like competing. Winning is fun. It is filled with glory and satisfaction.

I even enjoy watching my sons winning. Watching my oldest play sport has certainly brought home the fact that we train our children from the youngest possible age to compete. Throughout school we ensure that our children compete against each other academically, then on the school sports field and if we are really eager, in some extra mural activities. And once our kids leave school, they will need to compete for place in a tertiary education institution and then for a job. Once they have a job they will compete for better jobs and projects. But that is never enough and so to show how well they compete they will aspire to better houses and fancier cars and slick toys.

I suppose, just like most of us!

And if we are to be truly human we need to be humble. To be moved to compassion by the plight of the common man and actually do something about it. Humility must be the complete antitheses of this individualistic and ego driven lifestyle that is the norm today. It does not seem to have a place in our world today.

Imagine if you and I were just people and both of us thought that the others needs were more important than our own. What an interesting place the world might be?

Over the last couple of days, I have watched my oldest son play a whole heap of sport. At the tender age of six, although soon to be seven, he played three rugby matches and one hockey match in the last week. Two of these matches he played with seven stitches in his finger and the rest with the barely healed half chopped thumb in a bandage.

It has been interesting to observe him through the lens of a camera. As a youngster, I never had the benefit of the things that photographs reveal. You can see all sorts of things that will benefit his games. I watched this week as he scored his first hockey goal and then scored his first try. Both momentous occasions and incredible that he has managed to achieve them in the first games that he has played in his two new sports. I have included a couple of pictures so that you can see for yourself.

To me, I find his expressions interesting. This child who often cannot remember to button his school shirt is able to find an incredible determination and play with skill, power and raw courage. Buttons may be boring and not worth much thought, but a game is able to catalyse this child into ferocious activity. He plays with a passion and heart that invokes deep pride within me. Although I have no idea where this come from!

Within the grade ones at his school, there is not just my son but at least another eight or nine even more talented players at all of these new sports. The potential is unbelievable. I have no doubt that watching their games and progress is going to be fun indeed.

As a parent, I have this remarkable responsibility to guide my children into being incredible forces for good in this world. I have to encourage his more obvious talents and help him explore the depths of his being to find those that may well be hidden. My job may well be simpler as some of his talents seem to be so obvious. It has to far harder for other parents when these talents are hidden behind deep insecurities.

With all this talent amongst his mates, I wonder if all of these budding stars will be able to convert this raw talent into skill and wisdom? Will they find true guides in their parents to help them through the adversity that they must all face? Will they become inspirational role models for other children, parents and their peers as they live their lives or will they throw it all away in some wasteful manner?

I am still not sure how to be the best parent possible for my two children. I do know that I have to try and spend as much time as possible with them. I need to support them and love them unconditionally. I also need to teach them great humility at the same time as teaching them how to get the most from the talents that they have been blessed with. In the end I have to impart deep value systems that they embrace and use as their guides for their lives!

I have spent the week in awe of my son. I hope that I can find it within myself to be in awe of him even when he fails! And then help him find his way again.

Today I had a most humbling experience.

I joined a group of people for a visit to a new self help shelter in a small settlement just up the road from my house. I have driven through this place countless times in the past and often wondered at the level and extent of poverty that existed there. Now I know and I don’t know what to about it!

This project operates out of an old train station. Strangely the train still runs past this station but no longer stops here anymore. I hear it took a bit of effort to wrestle this space from the relevant authorities. But cudo’s to all concerned as this beautiful building now serves a beautiful purpose.

In amongst a sea of shacks and ancient buildings, this lovely old station building rises majestically. Walking down the platform there was a new vegetable garden on my left, a sign of the new life breathed into this place. Walking along the platform I felt like I was walking back in time to a place where this station once was a lifeline. Walking inside I was surprised to see people lined up in rows and rows of chairs. Just waiting, quietly and patiently.

I suppose that these people had fought long and hard for their lives against every possible obstacle. Now, they were left with nothing but the care of a few concerned citizens. I heard that there were normally 300 people that got fed on a daily basis and that is before the cold and wet Cape winter has bitten. Today though, some had gotten work picking in the orchards. For the rest, stale bread and some vegetable soup was the order of the day, as it is every day! And boy are they thankful for this lifeline that the station has become once again.

I heard stories of how people have one set of clothes. Stories of how something as simple as being given a set of second hand clothing has made an incredible difference to the psychological outlook of many. That’s right, our old rags in the right hands are mental gold, let alone a physical comfort!

I learnt too how 130 more children in this village will become orphans before the end of the year. Perhaps I have become emotional and weak in my time off so far, but this was a soul destroying visit. My heart ached for these poor people. I have no idea how many child headed families and current orphans fight their way through each day but have no doubt that there are plenty. And what I heard and saw is just the tip of the iceberg, just a short run from my luxury house and car and many, many changes of clothes.

I watched this people get their meagre but life giving meals and shuffle out the door. Some stayed behind to wash down the floors and clean up. I too walked out of the train station where a train no longer stops and wondered what it would take for me to get off my butt and do something. There is so much to do out there and yet I have so many excuses to keep on not doing any of it.

Despite all of the things that I need to do and places I have to see and people I need to meet and life I have to live, am I going to stop my train at this station or am I going to keep on going?

You have no idea how much a normal job adds to definition in your life. It is massive. I was recently asked and then submitted a tender to do a piece of work for a company. It really is a wonderful and exciting project and I am more than qualified to do it. I got excited by the prospect of doing a little consulting on the side. Unfortunately, it looks like I will not get this piece of work and that is just the way it is. I am massively disappointed, funny that!

For me, I can decide to learn from the experience or I can decide to crawl into a hole and feel sorry for myself. I don’t like option B and so I need to learn something, fast!

I suppose that there are lessons to be learnt. I should be learning some serious humility, and I am. I am also learning to deal with disappointment. I suppose that I have not had too much failure in my life and so it is about time that I do learn the lessons that it has to offer. I clearly remember one of the first major disappointments in my life, not passing my drivers license first time around. For some or other reason, this cocky self assured little youngster decided that he did not need all of the allowed space to complete the three point turn. Duh, did not make it and was in a state of mild shock when told that he had failed. Many years and many disappointments later and I find that I have not yet worked out how to deal with it.

So my BIG learning is that perhaps there is a bigger plan out there for me. I have yet to see out my year off and already I am looking to sell off blocks of my time. Perhaps there are bigger lessons and bigger opportunities out there for me. Faith that God has a plan for me is really my saving grace, and this realisation has given me some peace of mind.

Time seems to make all of the hurt of failure fade away. How many times have you looked back on your life to times of immense disappointment and actually been glad at how things turned out in the end? I am positive we have all had this experience, so I intend to take it all in my stride and run with it!

Anyway, this was another of those nothing ventured, nothing gained kinds of experiences. Not getting the work really does not make a big difference to my plan although it would have been fun, full of learning and a great experience. So, I committed emotionally, I sold a small amount of my time and I did not get what I wanted. I will survive and I will try again!

My wife tells me I am supposed to be writing a book and that I should get on with it. Point taken!!!