The Gentle Way

I like the idea of my children doing Judo except for the part when they actually do it!

In my short career as a parent, there is nothing that has had me as anxious as sending my son into a Judo fight. Move aside super high jungle gyms, playing in a busy street, skating half pipes, and even school homework. Judo is war, boy on boy, or girl on girl, each battling for the tiniest advantage. Opportunities get seized by the quickest thinkers, who then unleash a violent throw and shatter the other poor kid’s dreams.

This week is the week of the South African Judo nationals. The Nationals are big with at least 1,000 spectators crammed into the stands. Intimidating, tough, and up to each competitor to decide how far he or she is willing to push.

Luke put in an incredible effort on Monday, taking a bronze medal in his weight class. Not bad in a division containing 17 of the country's best competitors! Even his mother was heard to be screaming from the side!

This sport teaches kids so much; to fend for oneself, to think fast and execute, to rise above threatening situations, perseverance, discipline, and how to conquer fear. And then there are the physical benefits, the camaraderie, lessons in pain management, and learning to lose with honour.

This sport has incredible things to offer children. Watching my son walk out there on his own, made me realise just how much he has gained in a relatively short time. I cannot even describe the feelings that go through me as I stand on the side and watch him fend for himself. It has certainly helped me to start letting go of the belief that I can control everything in my children’s life. It was rather evident that all of this was way out of my control. My excitement for my child is not about the medal but more how he stood up to a tough challenge on his own, pointing the way forward for how he will deal with the tough life battles to come!

However, it remains incredibly difficult to watch your kid being thumped or even your kid thumping another's kid. I suppose this parental discomfort is worth all the benefits even if I watch with my eyes closed!



Standing tall

It’s Saturday and Granny, Matt, and I are at the Cape Peninsula University of Technology for a club Judo competition.


Matt was hyped up and ready to go. Weighing in at 20.3kg, putt him squarely into the lightest weight category for the youngest Judoka’s. The fact that he was the smallest chap there did not dent his enthusiasm in the slightest.

He is called up in the first batch of contestants. I watch as my six year old son charges off into the competition area. Alone! He introduces himself to the officials and then stands in the queue as instructed, patiently waiting his turn. My stomach is doing cartwheels on his behalf; he seems calmer than still water. The first two fights are over quickly and he is up.

He bows in a specific order to the competition area, the mat, and his opponent. Then the match begins. His opponent, a girl, is about a head taller than him. They grab each other and begin to shuffle around the mat. Matthew tries to turn in a couple of times for a throw and gets nowhere. The girl strikes first and throws him for a minor point. He gets up, they grab hold, and begin again. He continues to avoid all of her attacks and then turns in and throws her spectacularly over his head. He earns a full point and wins the fight.

I can only look on with amazement. It is hard to let your little child go, knowing that it is up to him to fend for himself. No coaches, no parents, no one but himself. I am fascinated by the way this little child thinks through the situation he finds himself in, takes evasive action, and then finds a solution to the complex problem of fighting an opponent. I do Judo with him twice a week and did not realise that he could do what he has just done.

Perhaps he surprised himself as well...

A few fights later and he is back on the mat. He squares up with another kid about the same size as him. This kid goes on the attack. Matt again finds himself avoiding but trips the kid up for a minor point. They square up again and seemingly out of nowhere Matt has the kid over his legs and flat on his back for a full point. Another fantastic win, and my jaw drops for the second time that morning.

Two good fights and Matt takes his first gold medal. He seems completely unaffected by it all; just another day at the office for him!

This tiny little boy, so full of passion, potential, and love, has grown up in big strides in my estimation. More importantly he managed to get his granny on her tiptoes shouting at the top of her lungs. Not very granny like, but certainly befitting of the occasion!