Mental Block

Sitting up at 02h00 in the morning, trying to rock a child to sleep with rather large eyes, weird thoughts prick the consciousness.



Earlier in the day I had stepped into the pool after another hectic Judo session. I was hot and bothered and keen to cool down. The pool was cool bordering on cold. I slowly waded in until the water was at my waist. I had this feeling that I should dive in and at the same time an overwhelming resistance to that exact thought. I dove in, got wet and felt much better. We all know that it is far better to get in fast and acclimatise than to delay the inevitable. Yet for some reason, my mind prefers the later.


I wondered if this was happening more and more to me as I get older. The refusal of my mind to accept a leap of faith when the alternative is slow and unpleasant. The first thing that popped into my mind; dropping in on my halfpipe!


Just the other day, I took myself off to the Stellenbosch skate park. They have a tiny halfpipe outside for those wanting to learn this great skill. By tiny, I mean it is about a foot high. The one in my garden is just short of six feet high. I stood at the top of this little drop for more than thirty five minutes before I gave up. I was frozen on the lip with only my sweat dripping to the ground. Simply unable to make that small leap of faith in myself! I cannot express in words how my mind procrastinated any movement even though there was almost zero chance of injury. And then I gave up!!!


Walking to my car, I myself to be highly annoyed. Getting there I turned around determined to beat my own fear. At the ramp I found some dude sitting on the side having a smoke. Instead of making matters worse, my new audience of one forced me to make both the mental and physical leap. I dropped in easily! And then did it again, and again!


One foot down, six to go...


I think that same mental block crops up in many other situations in my life. But now I am ready and waiting for it to appear. I intend to take the bull by the horns, throw caution to the wind, and beat this fear back, one crazy moment at a time!

Four little wheels

It has been six months since it started serving our family as a tool of rapid acceleration toward bodily injury but it received its own share of abuse last night!


About 16 teenagers from a group called Son Surf descended on our half pipe. Son Surf is a Christian group for surfers, and is very active in our area. Skating and surfing go together as they require similar in strengths in balance, core muscle strength, and careless abandon!

These kids set that ramp on fire! Well not literally! I had no idea that the stunts I saw could be pulled off on my ramp; airs, reverses, and long grinds off the top. The skating madness encouraged me to keep my poor skating skills well hidden; and instead I compensated by sticking a big flash on my camera and documenting the mayhem! There were of course some spills. One mad kid after being dared to get some air into a bush without his shirt, thought nothing of doing it twice! A number of other kids dropped in for their first time, making my own mental inability to do just that look pretty stupid!

What a wonderful group of youngsters. Excitable, energetic, and full of madness! They were also polite and friendly, and certainly seemed to be the kind of kids that I would like my children to have as friends growing up.

Luke got into the thick of things, dropping in and pulling off some tremendous top turns. He almost seemed to grow as the crowd cheered and applauded him. A tremendous boost to his self worth that no money could ever buy!

Chalk up another win for the half pipe!

Lessons from the Pipe

It has been a while since I provided an update on my half pipe progress. The half pipe is in fine condition, having managing to outlast its first season of winter weather. The oldest kid has not managed to do as well!

My eight year old is able to drop in and do a magnificent top turn on the far side with front wheels and top half of the board completely above the rail. I really cannot wait to see him do that on a wave! After all, that is why we have this fine piece of apparatus in our garden.

I have found mastering the pipe a little more difficult. You see all of the ‘cool’ stuff like grinds on the rail, tap downs, lock ups, airs, all take place six foot above the ground at speeds of up to 40km/hour. It is most spectacular when you get it right, but get them wrong, and six feet is a long fall onto some rather unforgiving material.

I am ashamed to admit that I still cannot drop in, but I am working on it...

Yesterday the pipe beat me badly for the second time. I was on the last turn of my session when the wheels fell off. Well not literally! Somehow I managed to twist my ankle again, even while wearing an ankle guard, and land with my full weight on my hip at the bottom of the pipe.

My pain has forced me to look deep within and share some lessons from the pipe, which apply to both life and business:

1. Always remain 100% focussed, any loss of attention and you are on the floor. My brain wandered yesterday and I don’t even know how I fell.
2. Commit. Absolutely anything undertaken without full commitment is not worth doing and may not even be possible without everything you have. Wafting around on the pipe is an invitation for disaster.
3. Plan for failure but never entertain it. The thought entered my mind that I have a Judo grading tonight and I cannot afford to sprain my ankle. And I sprained my ankle!
4. Nothing brilliant comes without lots of effort and work. Don't stop trying, training, and reaching higher and further!

And if you are in the process of failing, make sure it is spectacular so that at least you and all those watching have something to talk about for weeks on end!

In the Loop

I thought I would do something different today. A very brief insight into our lives, an update if you will on things that have been happening:

• My wife is now 28 weeks pregnant with a baby girl. The pinkness which was always confined to my wife’s cupboard has started to mushroom in other parts of the house. I will need to keep an eye on this!
• My business which has focussed on management consulting for the last year will continue to do so but will also include a new twist. My partner and I are going to venture into some new and unknown territories as we pursue some opportunities which have presented themselves recently.
• Tweety, the old yellow Ford F100 that I am busy rebuilding is still looking old and sad despite 8 months of work. I have realised that I need to take more interest and get seriously involved in the creative aspects of her renewal otherwise she will always be a dog! Now that I have my mind around the artistic license required, I am keen to do more.
• The book I was writing lies within the depths of my computer, untouched. On the positive side, my mental book plan has changed again, and I really think I have an awesome angle. Excuses need to stop and words needs to be written...
• I still cannot drop in on my halfpipe (sorry, my children’s halfpipe)! All in good time...
• My surfing has come on in leaps and bounds mainly due to the halfpipe. Having a standing wave in the garden will do that for one!
• The new highlight in my boys lives are the judo lessons on a Monday and Wednesday evening. The lessons cause untold excitement and energy to explode into being. The three of us are doing it together and I hope that the end result is an increase in discipline.
• Our little stream in our garden is back to being a stream after the intense rain a couple of weeks back. I heard yesterday that our area last received that much rain about 60 years ago.

Life is good. Too good in fact. I feel guilty that I don’t do more to add value to all of the lives that surround us!

More Terror

It is still out there, without a care in the world. Well for one thing it does not like the rain. I feel sorry for it and keep it covered up, snug in an old tarpaulin. Every morning I open my curtains and see it sitting in the garden, lurking. I can feel it laughing at me, yet I know it has no voice. I figure it must be laughing. It has me beat. I’m down but I am not out! It just thinks that I am down. That I am too sissy to come out and fight, brave the odds and do the one thing that has eluded me for so long...

Drop in on my halfpipe!

I am still terrified of it. I have worked hard on that lump of wood. I have spent hours rolling over its smooth surface, up and down, up and down. My turns are sharp, my control ever improving. It is just that one simple act that eludes me. I can even use a plank at the top of the ramp and drop in off it. I just cannot seem to make the leap and drop in off the rail. It is not higher, it just seems infinitely more difficult to me.

I lay on the ramp this afternoon and gave it a good stare. Somewhere in the deep, dark recesses of my mind, I recall Anthony Robins writing about fear, and how one can use their imagination to imagine the right outcome to overcome that fear. I pictured myself dropping in and every time, my mind completed the drop in with me falling and twisting my ankle again. And again. And Again! No wonder I cannot make the leap, I am mentally focussed on failure!

I am not going to give up. Firstly I am stupidly competitive and that ramp is not going to beat me. More importantly, I want my children to see me struggle with my own fears, work on them, and overcome them. I just did not think it would be so hard.... But then again fear only has power when you let it!

Today saw me back at the top of the halfpipe with my skateboard, but this time armed with my camera, and fully in control. Don’t be distracted by my skinny legs and well worn running shoes, rather share my fear!



Luke has been able to drop in for ages. His problem is that he reaches the other side with speed and little idea of what to do with it. The last couple of weeks have seen him trying to harness all of that speed into a big turn, but with little success.

Yesterday he tried until his session ended with a thump as he landed on his head. It turned out that he had hurt his wrist as he tried to stop his fall. After a few moments spent moaning on his back, he tried again. And landed on the same wrist, retiring hurt. I did pause for the briefest of moments to consider the injury potential of this insane ramp, but those moments passed! He did of course require a bandage for his wrist, but I think that was mainly for his school appearance!

With my camera poised for a beautiful shot through my legs, I was most surprised to see Luke charging up to the ramp with board and pads in hand. The bandage had disappeared and in its place was a proper wrist guard. This boy was ready for action! It was a hard session to watch as he crashed spectacularly five or six times. Each time required a little more time for recovery, until I was sure it was the fatherly thing to do to step in and get him off the ramp. He of course knew better and wanted to try once more.

He dragged himself to the top of the ramp and then readied himself. A moment passed before he threw himself off the edge, accelerating down his side of the ramp, riding the flat section and starting up the far side in the blink of an eye. I almost closed my eyes as he went into the top turn but was surprised to see him make it and ride it out shakily on two wheels. He jumped off his board, mid ramp, punching the air with a smile that said, ‘I am the man!’ Then he picked up his board and did it a couple more times to make sure.

Just like that his success had brought about the potential for learning two critical life lessons. We had a great chat about his injuries, the pain, and his complete lack of tears. He suddenly saw that he had managed to rise above his pain and reach much further toward what he really wanted. A remarkable breakthrough for a sensitive eight year old! We also talked about how long it had taken him to get this one move right. He reckoned about 20 weeks, although it was more like six! The point was that he persevered until he got it right, as not everything in life is so easy it can be done right first time. Now that he has seen how it is possible to conquer his fear and pain, he should be able to tap into this mind set again and again!

His dad on the other hand is a whole different story. He is still wallowing in his own fears. But the time will come when he will have to face that fear and take the plunge. And I will be on hand to report on every aspect of that adventure!

Fear

The smell of fresh pine is still strong even though it has been well layered with wood preserver and epoxy. I can’t smell those chemicals but I can smell the neighbour’s dog. I can almost feel the gritty surface of my skateboard through my shoe. I move my foot, tiny movements to the left and right, desperate to find the perfect position. So tuned are my senses that I hear my shoe rasping over the grit, the sound amplified by unseen speakers. My garden stretches away in front of me in various hues of iridescent green and lies drenched after days of rain. Some distance ahead of me the mighty Helderberg’s majestic bulk imposes its presence. Behind me somewhere is the sea, but I would not be able to see it even if I did dare to look around. I wonder if the neighbours are watching me standing at the top of my halfpipe. Absolutely paralysed with fear! Their windows reflect the setting sun, leaving my imagination to run wild with possibility.

The back of my skateboard rests comfortably on the metal rail which marks the top of the halfpipe. I can feel the back wheels resting firmly on the deck. I know that they are ready to slide, to harness the power of gravity and drop me senseless to the hard deck miles below. Theoretically I have to do everything in my power to prevent them from doing just that. Somehow I have to tame them, make them work for me, to harness their power and fly. Instead the front of my skateboard protrudes resolutely above the ramp like some plank that needs to be walked. If I let my imagination run far enough, I know I will see the sharks milling around in the waters below me, waiting to feast on my warm beating heart.

I am frozen. Not with cold but fear! The ramp stretches down below me, endlessly. With conviction I remind myself that I have made this drop four times before. I know that while the statement might be true, the results were far from successful. The last drop resulted in a twisted ankle and wrist. Yet here I am, madly standing on the edge of this precipice attempting to do it again. My mind leaps back past those injuries to the other time I attempted to drop into a halfpipe. My toes curl inside my shoe as I remember how I tore all of the ligaments in my one foot. If I get this wrong again, that same foot is going to need some serious medical attention.

In the back of my mind, I know that this is not something I am going to do once and then be satisfied that I have achieved. Instead I want to be able to do it fearlessly with ease! There seems to be a solid yet invisible wall between where I am and the point where I can begin to move again. Perhaps I am not ready? Perhaps I need to continue practising my drop in on my specially created gadget at a much lower level? Perhaps I will never be ready? Can I accept the consequences of getting this wrong again? Are the odds stacked too high in the favour of my fear?

I shake my head, pick up my skateboard, and slide down the ramp on my butt. The fear has me tightly bound in her clutches. I feel empty and beaten. I look back at the top of the ramp and wonder how something so small could terrify me so deeply?

My BIG News

Breaking news!!!

I designed a little thing that would help me drop into my half pipe from lower down the ramp. That just aint the big news. The big news is that an hour later after getting used to free falling on wheels, I dropped in not once but three times!!!!!!

Yeha!! I knew I could beat that scary monster.

This morning, I dropped in and twisted my ankle, Doh!!! Still 3 to me 1 to the ramp.....

I went to vote to make me feel better. There was a shortish queue and plenty of our mates from round about. This is going to be an interesting one to watch.....

I then spent the day dreaming about beating the half pipe. I cannot believe I am going to have to wait a bit before I attack again. Will keep you posted.

At Long Last

My new mental strategy is not to stress about what I am going to do with the rest of my life. I am trying not to worry about how I am going to live a life full of value. Instead my strategy is all about focusing on next week. It is far easier to see what I need to be doing for the next week and how I can add the best value than trying to look forty years into the future.

Value does not have to be defined as what I do with the rest of my working life or how I am going to save all the orphans of the world. Those things are impossible to start as they are just such massive issues. Besides that there is no way to figure out the right answer before one starts. Instead the solution lies in much trial and error and the opportunities that life throws at one. I have been trying to solve my life from the comfort of my armchair yet life needs to be lived rather than solved.

More than that, value is different to everyone. I can add huge value to peoples lives by doing small things with great energy and cheer every day.

My focus last week was the completion of the halfpipe. I really worked hard on it and it is 98% complete. All the tough work has been completed and all that is left are the finishing touches. The kids love it! I am amazed at how fast they learn and improve. My skills are going to fade into insignificance shortly as they will soon be well and truly eclipsed by my children's abilities.

This week, I am focusing on upgrading the content of our new companies website. We are playing with an idea called FREE. Very simply, you give away your electronic capital (all the clever work we have done) for nothing! We shall see if this works!

Next week is still to be determined....

This focus has removed all of the mental anguish that has recently plagued me about my lack of value add. I am now able to enjoy every moment of life as it happens as I am able to fully live and experience it now. So far, my really short term focus has helped me to deliver value that I can live with.

I will keep you updated.

Halfpipe Update

The halfpipe is coming along - slow but sure. It has certainly benefited from my slowing work commitments!!

I have now built the four curved ends and completed the base section as well. I still have to complete the painting work (gotta keep all of this exposed wood warm and dry in the wet Cape winter), the grind rails, platform, and decking. The end is in site!

I intend to have a neighbourhood braai. The idea is not burn the halfpipe but rather get all of the big kids like me, to lend a hand and get the decking complete. This is going to be a big job, and so a little family braai as a reward will make it worth the while. That and the adrenaline rush of actually using it!

A spanner was thrown into the works when our neighbour casually enquired about the nature of this wooden construction. She was a little concerned about the noise. I thought about continuing to build it right next to her wall, looking into her lounge, but decided against it as I would hate any of my neighbours to do the same to me. This weekend saw some serious garden work being undertaken in order to accommodate it in a different spot in my garden, in my new vegetable patch!




And here is my oldest, and key rider of this beast, inspecting the work!



My son was also selected yesterday for the Boland surf team that will surf in the South African grommet games in Port Elizabeth at Easter time.

Building the halfpipe has been an expensive leap of faith. The exciting thing is that it will now become a fantastic training tool. A wave in my yard, that is not bothered by swell or wind!

Half a Project

It is time for an update on the half pipe project.

After procrastinating for ages, I went out and blew loads on money on stacks of wood. After staring at the wood for days, I got stuck in cutting everything to size. I then put together the first two (out of 4) main ramp sections. I surprised myself with how well they turned out. Especially considering my two little helpers that were intent on drilling and screwing

From the photo, you will notice that the size of this project is a tad larger than my children. They are going to have to get good fast.

As for me, I intend to take out an extension on my life insurance policy and book a private room at the local Medi-Clinic!!